Ladymadonna34

Expressions Of Myself
2001-11-11 12:40:17 (UTC)

Just another Sunday

Off to work as usual this Sunday morning. Not too much has
been happening here lately. My boss is getting married next
weekend and I am videotaping it for her. Will be a small
ceremony. Last night all the girls from work had a get
together with her, but I was unable to go as Dan wouldn't
let me unless I had a sitter. This made no sense because
the kids would have been asleep and so would he. I only
wanted to go for a couple of hours....my boss wouldn't even
have been there till 1030 pm as she had to close the
restaurant...so it wouldn't have been for long. I wish he
would trust me more. He must think I'm going to pick
someone up..which is funny becuase it's few and far between
the times I even get flirted with. No one pays attention to
the "fat" girls anymore. I don't exactly get hit on
everyday of my life. And even if I did...it wouldn't matter
because I know who I love. I would have like to have had
some time with friends who I don't ever have time with
because we all work different schedules at the same job..so
the only way we can get together is after work. And all
we'd do is sit around joking with each other and releasing
some of the work day that rushes us so much. But, I am the
only one out of 10 girls who didn't get to go. I thought
that a special occassion like a small 'bridal shower' would
have been a reason I would be able to go. I never go out
without Dan and I never want to...but this was something
that doesn't come along every week or month of the year.
We've been together three years and I have never asked to
go out somewhere without him, so it shouldn't have
mattered. Then if I had gotten a sitter.he said he'd go out
too..which he never does because he works at 430am...just
to spite me.....all that for a 2 or 3 hours for me to do
something. It wasn't worth it. But I guess as long as he
gets to go golfing and do the things he wants to do, it'll
be ok...as he puts it...because the kids are in school at
the time he goes and it's not at night...but I don't get to
come home at 2pm and have 3-4 hours alone before kids come
home...so that leaves me 0 time to do anything without
them. I am so frustrated right now and I don't know what to
do about it. In order to be able to do something I want to
do, I have to give in to everyone else first. No one can
ever say, "Sure babe, have a good time..see you when you
come home". I give so much of my time to work, kids and
home that I would think it would be known how I feel about
everyone in this house and that I wouldn't go riding off
into the sunset with someone because I went out for a
couple of hours.
Oh well, guess I'll just wait until my kids are grown to
begin any kind of life...so I don't have to worry about
sitters and things like that on the rare occassions
something comes up that's different from the norm and I
want to be a part of.




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