Sleep Junky

Born Slippy
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2001-11-11 09:57:34 (UTC)

oct 28/01

Got an e-mail from my old friend Shannon today. It was
weird hearing from her, considering how close we used to be
and how distant we are now. I really loved her once- not
in a sexual way or anything I can describe in words. Our
friendship was interesting.
She seems so grounded and domestic now- she lives with
her fiancee and is working fulltime. When I knew her
before she was always changing- from honour student to drop-
out to hard-core club-kid. Whatever form she took she
seemed perfect- wild, funky, beautiful, and spontaneous. I
find it significant that I didn't see anyone while we were
close friends. I felt no need for a romantic relationship
when she was around to provide spritual fulfillment.
Whenever we needed to reassure ourselves of our sexual self
confidence, we would pick up some guys and make out with
them at whatever house party, rave or concert we were at.
The one flaw was that we were a little competitive of one
another when it came to guys. (I guess tension is
inevitable when one finds out that the guy they've secretly
been dating has been secretly fooling around with their
best friend.)
That aside, it was neat how we'd always take care of one
other. Both of us were fucked emotionally- partly from past
relationships but mostly from problems at home. The
antidote was to have no inhibitions whatsoever in one
anothers presence. I guess it was a form of escape but it
also gave us a feeling of control over our lives. The fact
that we could get away with doing the craziest things made
us feel as though we could do as we pleased. And somehow,
we were able to survive our recklessness
I get a strange feeling when I look back at our
friendship. Its a little like vertigo, except it makes me
a little sad as well.
I guess pushing yourself to the limit was neat and
exciting at seventeen but now I'm more content to amuse
myself more simply. I can still look back with a little
longing though.


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