grrl

why do things like this always happen to me?

once again i'm confused. stupid feelings. stupid being a
girl. stupid not being a lesbian....fuck...i *finally* sort
of almost get over brad...and what does dean do??? make me
fall completely and utterly in love...like couldn't he just
not be dean and not hit on me and not grab me around the
waste every chance he got and not kiss me and not say he
misses me as in NOW....even though its only been
hours...couldn't he just not be here...and not do
that...and just not....i dont know what to think
anymore...i'm sorry to everyone for having my own feelings
and not doing what everyone damned well wants me to
feel...and i don't know what to do...and now i don't know
what to say to him...or what to think...it's dean for fucks
sake...and *sigh* he's my best friend...what happened
tonight is scary...but i think it needed to happen...and
now i can't talk to him for a week cuz he's at his
dads...and we don't really call each other simply because
our phone conversations generaly end up with both of us
making fun of our little brother's then silence...maybe i
should call him int he mornign and tell him how i feel...i
think its apparent now that i'm not the only one with these
feeling...and how much i miss him...and fuck.....i'm so
stupid....*punches self*

damn me for being human