2001-11-11 04:55:22 (UTC)

First entry (11/10)

I decided to create this diary for the sole purpose of
writing down my thoughts, particularly trying to let out
some demons. Maybe this will help!
These past weeks have been quite interesting. I let go of
someone (even though I知 not over it and wont be for a
while, if ever) i love dearly, and learned how to sit back
and let things happen instead of wanting something and
pushing for it. It痴 interesting. I guess the Atari痴
song was right, 'sometimes growing up means letting go'.
Why does 'growing up' have to involve so many painful
I am in awe of myself right now. I've always been the girl
that went out there and made things happen. Sure, it痴 a
good thing to be like that, but not in all circumstances.
Sometimes it pays off to let 'nature take its course',
maybe faith is the right word...I've always been a believer
of destiny, and now for the first time in my life I知
letting destiny in my life. I'm allowing things to happen
as opposed to forcing what I want to happen.
I have high expectations for my future, and am excited to
see the outcome.
In the future I would like to learn to be honest with
myself. I want to stop hiding my feelings. The strange
thing is that everyone who is close to me perceives me as
an outspoken and loud girl. For the longest time I thought
of myself as just that. Recently something started
becoming of me, something I致e never felt before, the new
found patience and love are creating out of me a passionate
and sensitive person that I never introduced to anyone, and
the one person that deserved to see that side of me more
than anyone wont. I screwed it up. There is no one left
to blame but myself.

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