losergirl

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2001-11-11 00:52:19 (UTC)

adelaide sucks

hey everyone!

i am so sore and stuff at the moment but my weekend was soo
fun. ill explain it day by day ok?

friday- well i went down to the steve grace concert for about
15 minutes and it was tooooo hot so me jen and beck ended
up leaving. i know its rude but it was soo humid i really
couldnt be bothered...anyway then we went down to the
tavern where wendy(becks mum) works and had a coffee. then
we had some chips, then some soft drinks, then we all shared
a hot chocolate(all on the house may i add). then becks mum
finished work and we went home. i had to stay at becks
because otherwise i couldnt get to dance the next day, but
it wasnt too bad we went straight to sleep. i had the best
sleep! it was the first good night snooze i had in ages, it
was so cosy. anyway then i woke up and dadadada it was.....

saturday- well it was a pretty non stop day from the moment
i got up. i was up at 8:30 then i went and had a shower and
all that. then it was 9:15.my mum dropped all my dance
stuff off at around 9:30, then we had to pack our hair stuff,
make up, clothes etc etc..at 10:30 jens mum came and took
us to Hayleys.

at Hayleys we practiced our dance for what seemed like
hundreds of times. it wasnt too bad, we had pizza for lunch
and then practiced some more. at about 2:30 we started
getting ready. the whole make up and hair thing was soo
boring. i hate that side of being a girl. hayleys mum had a
hard time doing my hair because of the plaits, i refused to
take them out, so we just clipped some back and made it
look cool. Pam came round and gave us a pep talk (by the
way readers pams our manager) and then we did some
finishing touches and left by 4:00. Tim and Ben followed us
down and Kel went to pick up joe. We all met up at the
coomera bp service centre for dinner. there was alot of us,
it was me, jen, beck, sarah, hayley, jess, kel, je, ben,
tim, bennie, pam...i think thats it...we ate drank and were
merry...that was until joe told me his big news...yup i
finally know.

anyway i was right in my guesses he is going to adelaide at
the end of the year. i am not only sad but angry and hurt
and all those kind of depressing emotions! not only was i
the last to know, but jennie made me believe so much he
wasnt going..she could have just said "no" when i guessed
but she launched into this big spiel about how i quote:"if
he was going she would tell me so i could talk him out of
it, but hes not i swear to you sam" that really hurt me
because i really believed her...it made it 10000x worse
finding out because i wasnt expecting it. i didnt have
anyone to hug because i was grumpy at jen(im not now, i was
just a lil mift) and if i hugged joe beck would know
something was wrong and she didnt know yet. i couldnt hug
beck because she would want to know why i was upset, the
rest of the people are self explanitory i wouldnt hug them
anyway!

the drive up there went fast, i dont think i said anything
except "jennie you are such a liar, i cant believe you did
that. you could have just said no you didnt have to make a
big deal about it" she said "i had to lead you away from
it, you were about to guess" and i said "i deserved to know
as much as you did. you didnt have to do that" she said "be
mad at me then, i dont care"(it was in this patronising
tone...it really bugged me, it was like "im all superior
because i knew two weeks ago") then i said "trust me i will
be" then the next 45 minutes was a silent video. people
talked around me but i wasnt listening, i think pam made a
few attempts to talk to me but i didnt answer. anyway im
feeling better about it now, its 6 weeks away, anything
could happen.

we got up there and all the bands absolutely rocked! i am
in love with "glass and a half", "superfish", and the
obvious "half way out" and "elmoh". we danced straight after elmoh
which was cool..it went well, it was fun and i didnt screw
up. just before half way out the other girls did thier old
dance, then we all got up and got some of the guys in the
crowd up and taught them some of our joyful joyful dance. it was sooo
funny, one of the guys was really nice. he was scottish and
his name was jordan, he isnt a christian, but i think i had
some part in changing that. we had a big long chat and i
managed to convince him that he cant be mad at god over
death. i think he'll start going to that youth group
soon..i hope so anyway. i like to do what i can. anyway we
exchanged emails and mobile numbers and we might be in
contact. secretly i think he only liked me for my cool
hair...:) him and his 2 friends were a lil bit
flirty and stuff, but nothing i couldnt handle, they were
fun...i think ill invite them along to lots of youth
things, they would make really powerful christians.

after the worship at the end of the night jen and beck and
pam (my ride home) decided to go back to matt's place and
chill for a bit...i was really buggin about that, i mean
when you say your going to take someone home it usually
means on the same day not early hours of the next one! i
didnt want to go to some guys house i didnt really know,
and plus id mangaged to stay pretty spirutual the whole
night and i didnt want to go and throw my self into an
environment i knew wouldnt be..sure everyone going there would have
christians, but i guess i just wouldnt be comfortable.
anyway no one even cared what i wanted to do, because they
were blinded by pizza and members of the opposite
sex...that was all except ben and tim and sarah, who are
the nicest people ever! they managed to squeeze me into
there car and took me home...it was a realy nice thing to
do, i mean they didnt have to even worry about me, they could have
just left...jen and beck didnt even know how i was gettin
home, let alone care about it.

so anyway timmie dropped me back at becks where wendy was
stressing about the girls. i told her they went to matts
and she wasnt too happy..i wouldnt be either, i mean at 14
you have to have some boundaries or what does it really
leave you to experience when you get to 15 16 and 17? i
dont really have limitations except ones i set for myself,
i mean i know places my mum wouldnt really want me to be,
so i try not to over step the line. my mum barely knows my
plans but she trusts me and i respect that. i dont think
its right to leave a friend anywhere by themselves though,
if you go in a group of three i think you should definetly
leave in a group of three, especially if your girls. but
hey i wrote them another letter for when they woke up, saying
its not your fault but i think we need to talk. we have to
sort out some system for when we go out, i dont like coming
back to becks by myself when becks not there. friends mean
more than guys and bands, so lets all stick together and at leats
pretend we care. sure it ight be a little annoying when you really
want to go back to some dudes house and the others dont, but its
safer and it means alot to me. think about it...then i had to
rush off because my mum got to becks. i left the letter
where i hope they find it. am i being unreasonable?

i went out and spoke to beck for like 5 minutes at 8:30
when i woke up but she wasnt to receptive. when they got
home i was asleep so they must have went out to the van.
she said they got back at like 2:30 in the am or something
like that, i am soooooo glad i didnt go, i really needed to
sleep. it was another good night sleep to, i think this
dancing wears me out. i dreamt about that new guy jordan,
nothing erotic of course. we were in a park on swings
talking..it was weird, i cant really remember the rest. i
think i might actually call this one...i love accents and
he seems nice enough...we'll see

anyway now im at home writing this at 10:25 am...hope you
had a weekend that was just as eventful as mine...turns out
i didnt need luck afterall, but it was a nice companion
anyway...

i was just about to go eat brekkie but i dont think i will
yet, i just read coreys journal and boy o boy do i need to
spill some stuff here. i think that boy is getting wayy-ayy
to self destructive for his own good. corey cant self
destruct he's my stability and if stability isnt stable
then what the hell happens then?? he went out with linda
night before last before last (thursday night) and they
kissed, made out what ever you want to call it. they didnt
hook up though, which is odd. i thought they would. but
anyway, it seems he is still in like with lela (chick form
work) and is considering chasing her if she has broken up
with mark. he refered to her as one of his 12 steps on the
path to self destruction...i think he took a few steps that
night, he had a smoke and he will probably take it up now.
i mean once he knows its a realease he wont stop. he said it
felt good, but i hope he doesnt become infatuated by it, i
mean smoking really isnt a great past time..hopefully he is
smarter than that...well no offense corey its just i have a
major smoking phoebia, i hate the stuff! but nevertheless
its your life, to live how you please, i have no right to
tell you what to do, but it'll just be a waste if you do go
down this destructive path then have to come all the way
back. you used to be such a spirutual inspiration to me
corey...i remmeber this one time at youth or church when we
were all standing and praying and you and deann just stood
there for ages, i dont remember why i just remember i
envied you that day. i didnt even know you, but it was just
that you were so unaware of everyone in the room...where
did that corey go? i was in the cromwells car last night(as
you know) and i was thinking this trip away with deann
might be another step on the path, no offense to
deann....anyway i am going to leave your life alone now
cozza, sorry for prying...by the way im not a time person
at all, i think i am a mixture of words and touch, someimes
a touch can say it all, but sometimes i need to hear the
right words...

gonna go eat at last!

sam xo

in the immortal words of my scottish friend jordan
"i may be stupid but i have great hair to make up for
it"(lol how vain can you be?)

--In this life there are nothing but possibilities.--empire
records

quotes are a lil sucky today i know

man this is a long entry!



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