my mind is overflowing with crap!
2001-11-10 23:13:30 (UTC)

sooo bored!!!!

ok so this is my second entry in one day...just rediculous!
I hate being home on saturday nights! Everyone is out with
there boyfriends...give me a break!
I've been in the weirdest mood lately. I'm usually happy,
easily amused or impressed, but lately i feel like shit.
I'm tired all the time, and just feel lonely even though i
shouldn't. I have lots of friends, but for some
reason...their just not cutting it lately. I just want to
sleep, to dream to escape from realilty. My parents are
mad at me because I'm in a bad mood..and i can't help it
i'm just depressed or something. Writing in this diary
helps. I used to have a diary of my own but my mom is
really nosey and she dug through all my stuff to find it.
Lets just say i hadn't been the best little girl and i got
in soooo much trouble. Even though really i shouldn't have
been because it was her that read MY DIARY in the first
place. That was like 4 years ago, and since then i've
bottled up all my feelings, and maybe that could be the
result of what i'm feeling now.
I'm so sad that i started to cry when i couldn't find my
calculator...i just snapped..LOL i'm soo sad.
Oh goodness..what i am i going to do with myself?

I'm looking forward to having a boyfriend again....but no
one has really caught my eye. I've been in love once. and
now all my relationships i compare my feelings to the
feelings I had for my ex. I've gone out with quite a few
guys since then but i feel nothing for them. I usually end
up breaking up with them..then they feel horriable and i
feel horriable because how could i have been so mean to go
out with them if i really didn't like them.......
Maybe it's because I like to feel loved and wanted...My
parents have never really showed me love, my favorite thing
is just to be held to be next to someone and know that they
care for you. That's what i need right now...a big ol'bear
hug :)
I'm out of stuff for the moment but i'm sure there will be
more because my mind is always over flowing with nonsence.
untill next time