i was determined not to let what normally happens at those
shows happen tonight. and i did a pretty good job, although
i was all too happy and fake. jesus.....
im not sure whats worse. letting ppl see that your
sad/mad/emotional, or bottling it all up till the end when
it all is bleh. =
not sure. ive tried both now.
although the being happy thing worked. i did enjoyed myself
more. which was nice. but by bottling it all up ive become
erratable, and everyhting seems to be bothering me now.
i could just... bleh.... i feel so mean. and like i need to
be all, grr, but i dont want to be.
im all tense, and wanting to be held. but alls i got to be
held by right at the moment is my bed and blanket. which is
looking mighty fine at the moment.
im sure ill be fine when i wake up.
Lindsey, the meany.