Marissa

Blood and Chocolate
2001-11-10 02:00:11 (UTC)

see time and time again I say that I don't care.that I'm amune to gloom.that I am hard threw and threw. . thats how I usually feel except today.

Hey everyone
Sup ? Not much here ! Ahhhh ! Today was so urg ! Bad !!! It
was the worst I have had in a long time !!!! I found out a
certain someones girlfriend is a cheerleader !!! Which they
did not inform me !!!! How could someone possibly compete
with that ??? I feel bad for anygirl who has fallin for
that ! urg ! I was so upset today ! I wanted to go home
crawl into bed and cry !!!!!!!! I was just having a
stressful day ! You could totally tell in 6th hour !! I was
emotionally a wreck !!!!!!! I was not up to
talking ,Playing bball or anything ! I was so in the mood
to beat the shit out of some people ! Just for somepersonal
reasons !!!!!!! I sat in the hallway during gym and every
so often my friends would come and ask me what was wrong
and I just said " alot and I don't want to talk about it "
and I personally didn't want to talk !!! I wanted to cry !
but not just cry like CRY ! Like I don't know how to
explain it ! I yern for someone to hold me in their arms
and for me to feel so comfortable that I can just cry !!!!!
but you guys probably don't know what the hell I am talking
about ! See I DON'T cry and what happens is that once every
like 6 months everything is so built up inside me cause I
can't cry . I was taught not to . So after so many months
of keeping everything inside and acting all " happy go
lucky " "care free" I can't take it anymore and I just
like get so out of it and I just question things in my life
and my purpose and alot of stuff ! and I just have to
think , no talking just thinking by myself ! Usually when I
was in gymnastics I would go to the gym at like 11p.m. and
just start working out and playing around with new moves
and new stuff and I would just be in my own little world
and I would be thinking and sorting out mylife ! Now I
usually go sit on the roof for hours and think . Its like a
one night thing and by the next day I am back to my normal
self ! its so totally weird . Its like an emotional
cleaning every 6 months ! so yea that was basically my day
at school ! I was just totally out of it and 6th hour I
just like lost control. I couldn't focus on anything and
couldn't talk.and I almost started to cry! I am sorry to
any of you who are reading this and tried to talk to me
before ! Cause I love you all and I am sorry if I seemed a
little rude its just I needed to be alone ! I gotta bounce!
Time for Dark Angel!
Later
Marissa


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