2001-11-10 01:46:25 (UTC)

18 for four and a half more hours

In four and a half hours I'm gonna be 19. Really I couldn't
care less. Lately the mere thought of my birthday has made
me very angry. I'm not having any type of birthday get
together or anything this weekend, and I might not have one
at all.
The only good thing about my birthday coming is that it
means I'm not 18 anymore. 18 was a really really crappy
year. I mean, it was ok for maybe two three months there
right at the begining, but it went downhill rapidly.
The thought of 'celebrating' the fact that I have spent
another year on this wretched planet is enough to make me
sick. Well, ok, that's a little extreme. It doesn't seem
like I really have anything to celebrate though. Like
"Hurray!" *drink* My friends hate me!
"Hurray" *drink* they think my ex is much cooler than me!
"hurray" *drink* the faint small hope of anything ever
happening with the guy I like will be smashed as soon as he
talks to my former friend who has now made it her life's
mission to make people hate me for no reason.
doesn't seem like things are real great. I mean, I do have
a few friends who have been cool and been there and stuff
but this shit seems to sort of over shadow that because
it's just so stupid. I hated elementary school attitudes
when i was IN elementary school, now that I'm in my second
year of University I REALLY don't have any patience for it.
I have seen the guy I like around and stuff, and I'm
thinking that there may be a remote possibility that he
might like me too kinda sorta. I mean, I always catch him
looking at me, and as soon as I notice, he looks away. But
that could be for a lot of reasons, maybe I had really bad
hair or something. AND it might just be my own crazy
imagination making me think that something cool might
actually be happening to me for a change.
I still haven't gotten paid which is rather irritating. I
only get paid once a month where I work, which is OK. But,
I haven't been paid since the end of September and the
funds are starting to run low. The lady that pays me has
been out of town for the past two weeks and wont be back
till next week. So she probably wont be getting my cheque
to me until the end of next week.

My friend just called so I got to talk about the guy. So
i'm kinda happier now :) I rely on men way too much for my
own happiness.. and it backfires quite quite badly on me.