AngeL w/o WinGs

-=-My So Called Life-=-
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2001-11-09 03:40:38 (UTC)

And the truth is unveiled

Ok....let's see if i can have an honesty session here. Got
my Halloween candy, got my soda, comfy pjs...ok i think im

In my 15 year old life(hey....16 soon), I find everything
strange and confusing, and yet to fit into the mold that it
thrown to me, I must quickly adapt, accept, and create
opinions on every situation that is thrown at me, in a
matter of seconds.

I feel.....freaked.....around lesbians, I'll admit it! I
dont know why! I try to not be(in some of my classes), but
it just grosses me out, and yet I am perfectly fine with
gay men. My brother is gay, we go shopping together, he's

Some of the things I do, negative things, I'll admit, it is
out of the heat of the moment...things to get back at my
parents. To get back at them for stupid things, like
setting a deadline for me getting a job(spring 2002), so I
become extremely difficult with choosing one. Umm....going
out and socializing 24/7, so I continue to spend more and
more time away. I dont know why, because when i look back,
it was the immature thing to do, but at the moment it
always seems like my only option, or else i will rip my
head off.

I look down upon girls with slutty reps to some extent.
Like i dont go around and totally bad mouth em, but....when
i talk to one or something, nothing they say makes me see
them as a real person, i dont take them seriously. And I
KNOW that is soo completely wrong, but i cant help it, i
try. And i try to put myself in their positions, they want
to be "popular", and they think that is their only way of
getting it, to keep a guy.

Ok I'll admit it, I am happy I'm not considred unpopular. It's
not the status actually, it's just the idea of having so
many friends, and of never having to worry about being
intimidated by other people. I used to be shy, I used to be
silent, I used to be "bullied" from 6th-7th grade. For
stupid stuff, by mean people.Now that I'm on the other side
of the coin, I make a point to be polite and friendly to
everyone, cuz you've gotta remember that golden
rule, "Treat others how you wish to be treated." haha how
corny am i? But then again my best friend in the whole
world is also like the biggest bytch and snob ever(cept we
love eachother uncondionally). Guys think she is 'bangin' n
hot...wen she aknowledges them, they wanna piss their
pants. Guys(for the most part) think i'm "so sweet"
and "wow ur pretty". wen i talk to them, they have a good
chance of "falling in love" which sorta annoys me, b/c it
puts me off of talking to them, cuz then it ends in their
heart being broken.

well dont look down upon me for anything ive jus voicing
my mind uncensored.

wow im talkin to this kid i was friends with last year who
graduated my school last year, and he's a frosh at Rutgers
University, and now talking to him, im gettin over all this
stupid sentimental crap and i just wanna pack and GO TO

Time for my current im(s):

Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:16 PM]: heyyy j
Auto response from Jdoggg112 [10:16 PM]: For the first
time in years I am studying. Leave a message and I will
get back to you
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:17 PM]: wow.....studying, thats gotta
Jdoggg112 [10:26 PM]: hi
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:26 PM]: hey
Jdoggg112 [10:27 PM]: wut up?
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:27 PM]: nothing at all
Jdoggg112 [10:27 PM]: yeah i know
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:27 PM]: i even KINDA forget what u
look like
Jdoggg112 [10:27 PM]: how r ya?
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:27 PM]: lol
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:27 PM]: im good
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:27 PM]: u?
Jdoggg112 [10:27 PM]: sorry
Jdoggg112 [10:28 PM]: thats a shame u forgot what a
handsome man i look lie
Jdoggg112 [10:28 PM]: lol jk
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:28 PM]: lol
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:28 PM]: u have any online pics to
refresh my memory
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:28 PM]: i remember wat u look like j,
just not EXACTLY
Jdoggg112 [10:28 PM]: no actually i dont, when i go home
il be glad to sedn ya one
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:29 PM]: k thatd be cool
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:29 PM]: wen do u go home
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:29 PM]: n HOW IS COLLEGE?!?!?
Jdoggg112 [10:29 PM]: thanksgiving
Jdoggg112 [10:30 PM]: its is the good life
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:30 PM]: really?
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:30 PM]: is it amazingly different?
Jdoggg112 [10:30 PM]: yeah
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:31 PM]: any new women?
Jdoggg112 [10:31 PM]: nope:(
Jdoggg112 [10:32 PM]: i havent really looked yet
Jdoggg112 [10:32 PM]: i just got over a long relationship
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:32 PM]: shannon?
Jdoggg112 [10:34 PM]: yeppers
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:34 PM]: howd that end
Jdoggg112 [10:34 PM]: werent u over erin's house last
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:34 PM]:!?
Jdoggg112 [10:34 PM]: oh
Jdoggg112 [10:34 PM]: well anyway
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:34 PM]: lindsay or jennie prolly was
Jdoggg112 [10:34 PM]: its bc its was long distance i i
changed feelings
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:35 PM]: yeah i kno wat ure sayin
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:35 PM]: besides, ur young, u need
to....experience life n new people
Jdoggg112 [10:35 PM]: if i am young than wut r u?
Jdoggg112 [10:36 PM]: haha
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:36 PM]: haha
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:36 PM]: im sweet 16 soon
Jdoggg112 [10:36 PM]: wow congrats
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:36 PM]: soon....not yet
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:36 PM]: hehe
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:36 PM]: im a youngin, i kno
Jdoggg112 [10:36 PM]: when?

Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:36 PM]: feb. 1sts
Jdoggg112 [10:36 PM]: kool
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:37 PM]: i got my flu shot this
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:37 PM]: how fun is that
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:37 PM]: *cough
Jdoggg112 [10:37 PM]: umm kool
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:37 PM]: sooo
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:37 PM]: what do u do 4 fun now?
Jdoggg112 [10:38 PM]: wut up dogg?
Jdoggg112 [10:38 PM]: on weekends or weekdays?
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:38 PM]: both
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:38 PM]: i wanna hear it all
Jdoggg112 [10:38 PM]: weekdays=no fun at all
Jdoggg112 [10:38 PM]: weekends going to frats, house
parties, drinking
Xx SweEtQTiE xX [10:38 PM]: rutgers, rite?
Jdoggg112 [10:40 PM]: yep

catch ya later kiddiez!!!!

XoXo-=-Shanen K.L.