losergirl

Borrowed Light
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2001-11-09 03:36:35 (UTC)

where did wednesday and thursday go?

well i know the first thing i have to do is explain why the
hell i havent written in two days. alot of people will be
like "2 days no big deal" but what you have to know is i
write here everyday! at least once...im sorry mr. journal i
promise ill make it up to you! i did try to write an entry
yesterday when i was at home (before cell) but my internet
performed an illegal operation and closed down just before
i clicked submit. in the immortal words of homer.."doh"

i have been extra busy lately, on wednesday night i had the
school awards night. it was good, our school has pretty
good organisation skills when it comes to those
things...mel (coreys ex) won some business award thingo,
and i went up to her and said congrats, except she didnt
hear me and walked straight past me. robbie cridland saw
that and we both thought it was so funny, i was major rejected! it
wasnt a big deal, it was just funny at the time...

hmmm on thursday i had cell at laura's house in the
afternoon. it was a bad cell, i didnt enjoy it much at all.
everyone was really distracted and kept telling hundreds of
anecdotes that id heard before...i just wanted to
focus...i got a bit annoyed after that when i wanted to borrow this
book and some other girl took it home with her! usually it wouldnt be
a big dal but it was a book ive been meaning to borrow off laura for
ages. it was called "racheals tears" its about that girl
who got shot at school in america for being a christian.

anyway it was just a bad afternoon. straight after that we
went to dance which was quite the contrary. i went
surprisingly really well (according to kelly) excuse me for
getting a big head, but i havent danced before and it seems
i have picked up the whole thing in under a week. i
actually really enjoy it and am so shocked that everyone
who said im not the dancing type was wrong. anyway i am
really looking forward to it now, and anyone in my diary
audience (if i have one) that is going to be in calamvale on
saturday night and has nothing better to do, drop in and
see me dance! dont come and talk to me after it though or
whatever because that will be freaky...

oh yeah...i was watching oprah on what was it...thursday i
think and did you know that ecstacy users refer to tuesday
as "suicide tuesday" because after the high of the weekend
has died down they get really depressed and feel the worst
on tuesday...kinda blows my whole "happy tuesday" title out
of the water huh? lol oh well, i still think it has a nice
ring to it...

joe and me well, arent back to normal at all. i wrote him
this sorry mail and just confused the poor guy. he wanted
to know why i was apologising, and it was just because my
concience told me to, i dont want him feeling replaced by
corey. i have room enough in my heart for the two of them!
there is something big he isnt telling me at the moment and
its not i want to know what it is, its just the fact thats
its not me he's telling that bothers me. im glad him and
jennie are such good friends but i just miss me and him
being like that..ill get used to it because at this rate we
will never get back to normal. do you wanna know what i
say? i say damn hormones!

i had a huuuuuuuggggggeeeee argument with my parents on
thursday. they think that my friends are going to try and
lure me into drugs oneday or some crap. they just cant
comprehend that i dont have any friends like that, all my
freinds are good people! if they werent they wouldnt be my
friends..thus we wouldnt have the problem even then. i hate
it when 30 or 40 something year olds who have lived damned
sheltered lives think they know so much more about the
underworld of this generation than someone who is actually
living it. sure they may know a bit from there day, but
things have changed. im not being all naive and saying, i
know it all, nothing will happen to me. but i am pretty
lucky. i have people who watch out for me and people who
can teach me first hand about this stuff...i seriously cant
handle my parents at the moment..they drive me insane. i am
thinking about staying somewhere else for a while, i know
finding somewhere will be the problem, but it would
definetly be beneficial...i will have to give it some
thought, but at the moment i dont even really like my
parents and i dont want to do that! i just want a happy lil
family..but i dont see that on the horizon. i think i chase
too many rainbows, maybe i should just learn to be happy
with what i have got.

well guess what all you happy readers? my hair is all
plaited and jamaican like! it is sooo cool, the plaits are
little and cute and yay! it is soooo awesome! i dont ever
want to take it out...it took like 4 1/2 hours without
breaks, but we stopped every hour for about 15 minutes so
it wasnt that bad at all really. i eneded up saving fifty
dollars and i got my mum to do it. she has done a hair
dressing course and all that, so it is pretty much just as
cool..it is tied with little neon elastics which will look
cool on stage. well enough raving about my hair, i best
stop before you all think im totally shallow.

hmm well i have some strange notion that maybe (just maybe)
linda and corey have very recently or will be hooking up
casually pretty soon. i think that would be pretty good for
him and then at least me and him could be frineds without
the added gossip, but its really his choice. i mean i cant
get inside his head and know how he feels about her, and
like he said in his journal it wouldnt be right to use her,
and it wouldnt make him fell any better about himself if he
just wanted her for affection sake..well it doesnt bother
me either way, like always i just want him to do whats
right for him.

steve grace is at youth tonight. he is some gospel singing
dude, so it will prolly be a very worshippy night which
isnt bad, but straight after dance practice at 7:00 it wont be what
im in the mood for either, but hey oh well! i will go anyway i
always do..a full day rehearsal tomorrow at hayleys, i am
going to be exhausted by sunday! i dont think ive told you
but sarah cromwell joined the dance troop. she is sooo
nice, i think we will become pretty good friends. i have
talked to her before and stuff at youth but we never really
get a chance to talk properly. now i have though i think
ill make an effort to do it more often. all the cromwells
are the nicest people, i wish i had a family like theres!

anyway im going to go and admire my hair (lol just joking)
ill probably go watch a vid, maybe "high fidelity" i havent
seen that yet...

im going to try and find the quotes i used yesterday, they
were pretty cool..

talk to you sunday all! wish me luck for dance, hopefully i
wont need it.

sam xo

"I just want something I can never have." NIN

"This is my 'depressed stance.' When ur depressed, it makes
a lot of difference how u stand. The worst thing u can do
is straighten up and hold ur head hi cuz then ull start to
feel better. If ur going 2 get ne joy out of being
depressed, uve got 2 stand like this." Charlie Brown (this
is just cute, maybe i should get a depressed stance!)

"Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes. (translation:
If u can read this ur overeducated)"

"tell me how it feels 2 b the one who turns the knife
inside of me" (dunno who it is by, but sounds cool)

"Caution: Cape doesnt enable user 2 fly." Batman Costume
warning label--now wouldnt this be a good "what the" for
rove live


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