A Leap of Faith
2000-11-13 23:55:18 (UTC)

I woke up this morning ten..

I woke up this morning ten minutes before my alarm clock rang.
Normally that would be fine but today was different. I found myself
getting ready for school like a zombie. Knowing that when I get to
school I have to face Stephanie and Jake. I was walking into a storm
I knew was coming but I found the courage to walk in on my own terms.
They were both surprised that I was so level headed and I kept an
even tone and dismissive air through out the day.

Than I did something messed up. You know how you can fall into old
habits? I have a bad one. Being manipulative. I'm really good at it
too. I suppose you are thinking, how can that be? Well, I will

I have a gruesome past, one where I messed with people's heads for
the hell of it. The difference about today is that I did it to ease
pain on both sides of the field.

I'm pretending an ex of mine is back in town to make Jake mad at me
and to use that not to go out with anyone. I haven't finished the
plans yet. If I'm not mistaken Jake is going to find out either
tomorrow or the next day that the one guy in my life he hates with a
passion is with me again. This will help him get over me quick. And
when he is over me I am over him. I just have to pretend to be
hopelessly in love with someone who isn't here.

I do have other things going on.

Dustin called me over to his group today, which was odd. You see,
Dustin and I don't talk much on campus. He knows that something
magickal is going on. I can tell by that cool look he gave me today.
I have this urge to call him and I don't know why.

Amy is trying to hook up with Jimmy which in my opinion is messed up.
I know both of them are on the rebound but it will be the downfall of
their friendship.

As for what's going on with Jimmy, I haven't a clue. I should try to
find out but can't.

I want on a destruction spree this weekend and totally destroyed
everything that remotely reminded me of Jake. I still don't feel

EJ spent the night at my house Friday. Nothing Happened. I promise.
My brother invited him over, I am thinking of calling it off.

Randy, the other guy trying to get in my pants, is also getting to
me. I'm not scared I'm just not ready for him. He is sooo intense and
he really reminds me of Catlin (the guy that I'm using to scare Jake
away)Catlin was my first love. Still a gruesome story. I will tell it
later. I'm thinking of calling things off with Randy.

Right now, anything with a penis should get out of my way.