2001-11-08 20:52:55 (UTC)


people amaze me with the fucked up things they do.
and what's even more amazing is the way they justify
things, the bullshit excuses people come up with to not
feel guilty about what they've done. they go and blame
shit on their parents, "boo fucking hoo, you scarred me
for life, i'm all screwed up now and it's your fault." what
pisses me off more than anything is people who can't
take responsibilty for their own fuckups.

shoe im'd me last night.

i'm half awake and half a world away, all my past
mistakes and every wasted day prove that i'll never
change, i'll always stay the same. i wouldn't have it any
other way.

it was one of our songs, one of our FRIENDSHIP
songs. we only had one song that i associated with our
relationship, and that was the ataris song he was
always singing. "last night, i had a dream that we went
to disney land, went on all the rides, didn't have to wait
in line. i took you to my house, where we stared up at
the stars, i listened to your heart beat as i held you in
my arms..." he said he used to listen to it before we
were together and it always made him think of me. so it
became our song.

hello, ancient fucking history. anyway, there are a few
songs that will always make me think of my friends, just
cuz thats what we would listen to when we drove
around this dead fucking town, yelling at people and
making each other laugh and talking about stuff. jebus,
i'm gonna fucking cry. the other night shoe was talking
to alyssa, and he said, "its over. the diner crew is gone.
no more shoe, alyssa and nofie sitting around your
house laughing until the sun comes up." funny he
should mention that night. i remember feeling like i
didn't belong there.

alyssa is like a sister to me. she's right up there with
corinne and lanie. the three of them have been closer to
me than any of my three blood sisters ever have. not all
at the same time though, thats the funny thing. anyway,
alyssa's always there to snap me out of denial and stop
me from doing something stupid like moving to albany
with a guy i don't even like. that was a close call. she's
always diggin up dirt that she knows i want to hear,
without me even having to ask her. she always tells me
things people say about me, especially if it's something
nice and she knows it will make me smile. she got into
a fight with casey last week because he was being
nasty and i started crying. she was yelling at him and
she said, "i dont like when people fuck with my friends,
especially nofie. go ahead and ask anyone about the
fights i've gotten into because of people being nasty to
that girl." and i thought about it, and it's so true. she's
always had my back, one hundred percent. she's
completely fearless and will step up to anyone if they
give her reason to. that's the kind of friend you don't
come across every day.