The Nine Faces of Dave
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2001-11-08 19:10:05 (UTC)

welcome to The Dating Game

It seems that most high school girls don't go for smart
guys. I don't mean they only dig dopes, but rather that the
dating possibilities are extremely limited for guys whose
principal asset is intellect. I know people who are
exceptions to this, but they usually have some athletic
uber-skill as well. I'm talking mostly about those of us
(yes, I'm one of them) who are much better at intellectual
pursuits than at anything else. Some would use the
term "postmodern nerds": we're good at academic pursuits,
but to paraphrase the Something Awful forums, "We suck at
the dating game."

I've never quite understood why this is. From a strategic
standpoint, it would seem like a good idea for a reasonably
intelligent girl to date a smart guy (note: we like smart
girls). For starters, right away she's snagged a good study
partner, as well as someone who can help with math homework
and knows how to program formulas into a TI-83 . Plus, many
smart guys lack confidence in their dating prowess
and wouldn't want to do anything that would risk the relationship.
This ensures fidelity and reliability, which is more than you can
get out of the average playa.

Unfortunately for me, this doesn't happen. Instead, girls
tend to go below their intellectual level. To illustrate
this point, I will compare the dating success of myself and
a guy who will be known as "Clownshoe." Clownshoe is a
classic, stereotypical jock: big, dumb, unskilled,
intolerant, conformist, and unpleasant as hell. In
fact, Clownshoe is no one in particular, he's just the
statistical average of people I don't like. Let's look at
each party's stats:

*Assets*: intelligent, good with computers, capable of doing
highest-level high school work and college work, well-liked,
reliable, college-bound (good college, too)
*Demerits*: overweight, not very popular, unpopular friends
*Either/Or*: long hair, facial hair, statistical deviation,
offbeat interests, eclectic tastes

Dating Success Rate = 0 (could be less than 0 if you include
potential friendships gone to hell)

*Assets*: jock of some sort, may lift weights, may work on
cars, may do some other ostensibly positive thing
*Demerits*: not very bright, intolerant of deviation,
extremely unpleasant towards those who openly deviate, bound
for community college or trade school, if that
*Either/Or*: short hair, conformist

Dating Success Rate: greater than 0

This whole thing suggests one of the following:
1) Clownshoe has found some secret I don't know about that
attracts women,
2) High-school girls conform to some standard presented on
TV of how guys "should" be,
3) I was right all along and people who tell me I'm not ugly
have lied to me, or
4) Women are just as stupid as men and everybody ends up
making decisions in romantic pursuits by superficial

Since Clownshoe is an idiot, I'd say the truth is some
combination of the last three.
Now if only someone would explain to me why I spent 45
minutes typing this up...