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2001-11-08 05:26:13 (UTC)

A Bit of Religious Controversy

Ahh, doing laundry...how I love thee...

Actually this time, it wasn't bad...I went with my sis and it was kinda fun, there was a
bunch of Jehovah's Witness pamphlets scattered about the rickity old table in
there, and we read them, and laughed alot. It was pretty contradictory. I mean,
some of their policies did make sense to me, especially their places of worship.
Apparently they worship in buildings that are totally devoid of all decorations, not
fancy, going on the assumption that God doesn't give a shit what the place you
worship in looks like, it should be about simply worshipping him and not gawking
at some flamboyant stained glass windows. Gasp from the glory of God, not the
amazing architecture. And I agreed with their belief that no one in the congregation
should be in a higher position, they're all equal...I'm not even going to get into the
fact that the pope is so religiously wrong that it's almost amusing. I'm not trying to
offend anyone, I'm just talkin'...

The thing that bothered me about it most was the contradictions, yet some may
argue that there are many contradictions in the Bible itself. I am not going to
pretend that I am some expert on religion, or that I know even a fraction of what I
should about theology and such. But I do still have my own beliefs and the
pamphlet made me angry because it misquoted the Bible and it twisted words
from the Bible for its own purposes. Sigh...

Anyway, my sister and I read this pamphlet on how to be a good and true
Christian, and we read all about what "Jehovah" hates, and that includes
stealing...and then we stole the pamphlets and brought them home for our
philosophy grad student friend to have a good chortle at their expense.

I'm going to hell...hell I tell you!

My boyfriend is online, but he's not talking to me. He's playing his game. He
spends far more time each night on that stupid game than he does on me. I am
selfish I guess. I am 3 1/2 hours away, and the game is right there in front of him,
easier for him to concentrate on. I think I might be upset, if I didn't know he was
playing with one of his best friends.

At least he gets to fucking hang out with his friends. I was supposed to go out
tonight, with a few of mine, but I stayed home to help my sister do errands and
close up the shop and such. I didn't mind, and I'd do it again. But I know I am
missing out on alot of that "young people " hullaballoo everyone is so keen on
nowadays...I miss girl time, incoherent babbling about this and that and the other,
nothing and everything of importance. I miss intimate time with people. I don't get
that here, where I am not super close to anyone. I get alot of laughs and I learn
alot from these people here, these new people. But it is lacking, through no fault
of their own...it's me...I don't easily attach myself to people. I make friends easily
and quickly, but normally if something were to severe that tie of friendship I
wouldn't give it much thought. But right now I am separated from the few people I
do actually feel somewhat connected to. I am a very disconnected little girl.

I feel a good cry coming on, solely for the purpose of just flushing out my system,
flushing out the stupid immaturity stocked up in there, flushing out the loneliness
inside me and the self-pity and the self-loathing, so I can be me again, without all
of this stewing around inside me, fucking with my insides. A tear...it starts...this is
not a bad thing. I was taught that crying was evil, avoid showing emotion at all
costs, never talk about things of any importance with people you love! So I am all
new to this raw and frightening emotion thing...I used to be all "Eh, don't like that
feeling much, so I will just push it to the back of my mind where it will lay dormant."
Doesn't work forever...I won't work forever...if I work at all.