epikivel

Shards
2001-11-08 01:11:49 (UTC)

An Intro to Smooth Texture

An extra-long day today, because my sister's sickness caused me to have to
work a bunch of hours more than normal. I'm not complaining though...they all
covered for me when I had the flu a few weeks ago. Soon I'll go out with my
friend Daughter (I make up whatever names I feel like for my friends), and her
friend whom I don't know. I'm excited, cuz I love to meet new people, especially
because they are closer to my age than anyone else I hang out with. Not that it's a
big deal...but sometimes it's nice.

I didn't hear anything from the college I applied to yet so I'm a little bit freakin'. If I
don't get accepted, I don't know what I'll do, my plans will be in shards and I won't
have a job anymore. I'm not really upset though. I know whatever happens I can
deal with. So I might have to live at home and work a shit job for another
semester...but considering how long I (hopefully) have in my life, it's such a tiny
insignificant amount of time to stress about. I was talkin' to my ex-boyfriend Bizzy
yesterday and he's a year younger than I, so he's going through this whole
deciding what college to go to crisis that all of my friends went through while I sat
back and said fuck it, choosing to work and gain experience for awhile instead. He
has already gotten accepted to the two colleges he really wanted to, but he can't
choose and he's got his panties all in a twist. I used to think there were "wrong"
and "right" choices in life..but now I think there are just plain choices. Some might
be better than others, but no matter what, you learn, you experience new things,
you come out a better person in the end...so no matter what you do, it will be ok.
Geez, aren't I little Miss Positive tonight?

If I've changed at all in the past few months, and I don't know why I say 'if' because
I know I have, enormously, I have become more laid back, more in tune to what
my real priorities are, less worrysome, and other such things. I have unfortunately
become a whole lot less tolerable of people. In highschool, the only way I'd
dislike someone is if they were mean to me or did something bad to me. But now
I find some people who come in the shop downright...horrible awful people and I
can't take them. Don't get me wrong, I still have not abandoned being as nice to
everyone as I can, except...for this...one girl...Smooth Texture...that I HATE more
than anyone else on the planet...which isn't saying much because I've never hated
anyone before....but she is just the most annoying, self-centered, ignorant waste
of space!! Am I a horrible person? Maybe...but I know that her life makes my life
worse for simply existing. I just really need to vent because I am either a decent
human being or just too much of a wuss to say it to her face. I've never heard her
talk about anything but herself, she spends eight hours a day in the shop just
butting into people's business and talking nonstop to no one in particular, and one
might say "oh that's so sad, she's lonely", but no, she is not lonely, she has alot of
family around and always tells us of her stories of all these guys that 'adore' her
even though all of her exes have accused her of stalking them, and you know
what...I don't even want to go on...I feel like this awful terrible person for judging
her and I hate being that way, I am not normally that way, and I don't want to BE
that way...I want to calm down, and whenever I see her I will just recite "Be nice,
be nice, be nice, be nice..." over and over...and breathe deeply...and try to
loosen my tense muscles...and be a lovely wonderful nice nonjudgmental
person...and figure she is just having a hard life, she needs to be around people,
maybe she'd be better off if more people were nicer to her.

I really can't tell anymore if I am just a sap and really naive or if I am just smart not to
waste my time hating people. Arrghh...




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