jane68

my friends

My environment:
my environment is my friend, they are what surround me and
also what form a great part of who I am now…

We have this group of friends, “the girls” and “the boys.”
We all get along except in that rare occasion when one of
us says or does something inadvertently stupid or without
thinking. We haven’t even had a fight, just discussions
that aren’t of much transcendence.
I love all of them; they have become my best friends and
the people I confide in. all this has happened in little
over a year, very quickly for the type of relationship we
have. The boys were the latest (and the best) addition to
the group, I’m sure they view us in the same way. It’s
changed and made us a more dynamic set of friends. Katy is
one of these people; one day she told me that she was
trying to acquire a grasp of our “normality.” In other
words trying to understand if our friendship as clique was
normal. It’s true that we are odd, I don’t quite understand
how, but I do know that we are a lot more affectionate
towards each other than most people, besides the fact that
we are a strange cultural mixture to begin with. In fact
when I saw one of those non-smoking ads for teenagers I
thought of us i.e.: the Mexican, the blond, the red head,
Japanese, and black. We even have a friend from Montana…
weird. (LOL) Its not that we are strange people
independently, just as a group, our chemistry.
Lately one of us has been straying from us, she has become
more distant and most of the time we don’t understand her
this makes us feel annoyed by her, her actions are not ones
that we would do to her or to anyone else in the group, her
actions hurt me and make me angry with her. I believe she
has manic depression or some condition because I have gone
through similar situations. When I was going though this I
felt as if no one understood, I felt so much rage
sometimes, then mood swings, some times I felt happy but
other times I would cry so much and wallow in a feeling of
despair. Then I started to affect the people that
surrounded me especially my brother and my dad, my
depression would manifest in paranoia or anxiety and panic
attacks. The thing is that I knew there was a problem and I
wanted to fix it. She, on the other hand dose not. I
don’t want it to become as big as my problem did because at
one point I had all kinds of brainless ideas like suicide
or just stupid thoughts. Unfortunately she already had
ideas that aren’t so smart and honestly, I’m scared for
her. She won’t admit that she has a problem and she won’t
let us help her ether. Quite honestly I think we are all
fed up with the situation to the point that the topic seems
drawn out and old, I don’t even want to talk about this any
more. Hopefully it will pass over soon.
-me