Heart of Tanglewood

oh my god

Oh, god. Oh god. I called him on the phone. Oh, god. Yeah,
supposedly he was sleeping. He just mumbled in my ear. Oh,
man it took along time to get the courage to do that and I
fucked it up. God, I don't know if he was just pretending to
sleep so he didn't have to talk to me or what. I asked if I
could call later and he said he had church (on a Wednesday?)
then I said I'd just leave then he said okay and hung up. Oh
god. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have called
him. It was stupid. I feel so embarrassed. I finally got
him to sit at our table during lunch. I finally got him to
not move when I sat at his table during study hall. Now he's
going to hate me. He hates girls who fall all over him. I
think I'm going to be sick. That was the most embarrassing
thing I've ever done in my life. It really is. Lord, I
thought I was over him. But now I'm just a sick old puppy.
I hate feeling this way. Feeling weak. What the hell is
wrong with me? Why did I have to do that?

I mean my reasoning was that he probably just thought of me
as a friend now and that he wouldn't mind talking to me. But
WTF I don't think he's capable of think of a girl like that
anyway. I've got all the way until Monday to fuss and cry
over this. Then I've got to face my fear. Now what should I
do? Ignore him more? Tell him that I think of him as more
of a friend? That way he'd think of it as a challenge,
right? He's the kind of guy who likes the girls who don't
like him. But I like him too much to try to ignore him. It
doesn't matter anyway cause I don't want to date him I just
wanna hang out with him. I feel like I'm walking on glass
when he's around. What am I going to do? Please give me
advice I'm so desperate.

OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD
GOD, PLEASE HELP ME THROUGH THIS.