The Humor in Drama
2001-11-07 21:55:45 (UTC)

The omnipetence salesman


I have, in my head, a letter waiting to be addressed to God.

Whether or not she exists...
Whatever form he may be in...
Whenever a letter like this would be meaningful to them.

To the higher power(s) it may concern:

I'd like to start with a question. Big surprise coming from
a sentient, mortal being, huh?
Are you really omnipetent?
If you are, life must be way boring.
Let me put it this way:
If I could do, create, see, taste, touch, hear or feel
anything I wanted in an infinite span of time, space, and
I'd get tired of not having any challenges to overcome
after the first couple millenia.
I mean, sure, you can do anything...but that just means
there's nothing you haven't done.

Whoa, yeah...there's another thing. I think we're all wrong
about what you are and what you want.

Far be it from me to understand what god is, but I think I
get the gist of what I would do with omnipetence.

I would take it away from myself and go become a human.

We have an awful lot of literature down here (supposedly
written by you...or in your intentions) that I am just
confused to hell about.

Ah, pardon the expression.

We've got this big book divided into old laws and new laws,
and it seems to me that the new laws rewrite some of the
old ones.
Why would you change your mind?
You are god, aren't you?
We all go and sing deeply and eerily about your glory, and
it sounds about the same as a dog dying.
We all complain about this one hour that we have to go
to "your house" (even after we learn you're everywhere.)

Seems to me, God, that people follow your rules because
they want to go to heaven. Not always, mind you, but much
of the time.

So, god, if I were omnipetent, and I made a simple creature
in my own image, I'd think it more entertaining to let them
figure things out on their own.

This, god, is why I think we know nothing about you. I
think, actually, that our arrogance holds us to believe
that we can even grasp what a supreme ethereal being would

And that's nothing, if I remember right.

If you're omnipetent, what do you need from people?

SO I say...

1) God is omnipetent and laughing his ass off at everything
that happens here. (which would be fitting)

2) God is not omnipetent, but rather just like us,
struggling, scared, and proud. The only two reasons I could
think of for needing millions of worshippers are these:
insecurity and lonliness.

3) God is the wittiest damn force ever. Here I am,
saying: "that our arrogance holds us to believe that we can
even grasp what a supreme ethereal being would want", and
here I am, creating hypothesis about you. Got me again.

Anyway, I really don't care what you want...honestly.
I'm sure you didn't take that the way it sounds, either.

You know and I know that the greatest thanks is

So thanks for the life. I'm going to go enjoy it some more.


P.S. Women and Men are still confused about what equality
is. Guys keep refering to "god the father" (and of course
it says "FATHER"... who was the only gender taught to write
3 thousand years ago?)
And bumper stickers. There are plenty of opposite-sex
hating bumper stickers.

If you do exist, I hope you lack sexual organs. I'm sick of
the battle for the stronger sex... Male and Female.

Here I go complaining again.

Tell Sinatra I say "yo."