Broken Angel

Lost and Delirious
2001-11-07 17:10:59 (UTC)

Is this for real?

I doubt that reality as I know it, is real... What was I
thinking when I gave up all the drugs, what I wouldn't give
for a line, or a hit. Yet here I am drinking a Diet Coke,
trying to feel the effects of the caffine, and smoking like
there is no tomorrow. May that is what I am hoping for, no
tomorrow! But I have lost all connections with the drug
world, plus I am broke after paying all those bills. Once
again, I find myself wishing to be a child again. I hate
my job and it is a horrible fact that I must go there
today. Why did I go to collge? I surly hope it wasn't for
this. I am one of those higher functioning mentally ill
people, suffering from manic depression, anxiety, and oh
yes, obssesive complusive disorder. Not to mention that I
am in the middle of a sexual idenity crisis... do I like
men or women??? Will I ever know? No one know, my
questions will never be answered. I just have to continue
on this miserable journey of LIFE! Now when I say drugs I
mean street drugs, because I am on Psyc medication. The
lovely feels of zoloft and klonopin, at least that is all I
am on right now. I could name the list but...why bother?
I think I am alone in this world. Alone with others. If I
ever meet God, my first question to him will be why did he
wish to invent people??? I do not understand this whole
life thing. well more later, if there is one...Peace!


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