hello kitty cat
2001-11-07 16:53:22 (UTC)

It s been a while since I ve..

It's been a while since I've written...I haven't been going
online as much as I usually do..but I'm in photo class now
so I have nothing else to do. So I feel like shit. Everyday
I wake up and feel worse. I got up this morning and ever
since have had this feeling ...where I think I might faint
at any moment. I ate too..but it didn't help. When did I
start constantly being sick? It doesn't make sense. But not
much does make sense lately. Last night was supposed to be
movie night at Katy's. Candice even came..Alex too...but
Aum and Candice got a cassette instead of a we
didn't ACTUALLY watch any movies. I fell asleep. I felt
like shit. I had some stomache spaz thingo. I hadn't gotten
one in a while. I didn't see Jason..I never see him on
Tuesdays or Thursdays. It's cold..I'm going to turn off the
air....I've been so out of it lately. I haven't even gotten
around to doing laundry. I don't know what's up with me. I
really want to get out of my house. It's just the thought
of waking up every morning and walking into the bathroom
knowing that the toilet is broken..and the fan is
broken...and that I have to shower in a nasty ass bathroom
that even if I cleaned..would be dirty the next day. I
walke back in my room and it's like..why even try? There is
no sense in trying anymore. I don't even care about school.
I haven't done any HW...not at home anyway..I've come to
the conclusion that no matter how much sleep I get I still
can't get up at 6:30 and function normally. I'm really
cold. I was laying on Katy's couch last night..thinking
about how weak my body seems..and I pictured myself
shriveling up like a dead flower...not just thinking about
it..I saw it happen. It scared me and I thought shit...I
shouldn't think like that. I have a really terrible taste
in my mouth I think I'M getting sick because no matter how
many times I brush my teeth it wont go away. It's probably
allergies..that's another reason not to live in
Texas...those reasons keep popping up...I keep thinking do
I really want to stay here? I think the only reason why I
would want to stay here is for Jason..isn't that terrible?
And really should I even be letting myself think like that?
I don't think I should be ...These feelings are so
inconvienent. I can barely even see...Oh so Joselin started
an online diary..this should be interesting....I wonder if
this will become a problem...I mean EVERYONE having their
diary on the same site...that's kinda weird don't you
think? Why would people want to open diaries on the same
site and announce them? I don't know. I guess I shouldn't
be talking cause I did it...ha. Well today I'm going
downtown with Alex and Katy. I hope my Dad made me a
doctors appt..he forgot I know he did.