HelloKitty

Life as I know it.
2001-11-07 07:08:33 (UTC)

the saga continues

I saw Ian today...lol...this is so sad. I'm confused. I
dont know, do i like him afterall? Or am I just lonely?
He came over today while me, kristin, star, and dylan were
just sitting in front of the union. And him and kristin
have been friends for years so that is completely
understandable. And so they are chit chatting and im just
talking to star and kristin keeps glancing over at me
like "why the fuck arent you takling" but i nicely ignore
her and talk to star...cause well, i had nothing to say.
And when Ian left he was like "goodbye guys" then a second
later was like "goodbye Jenn". Then Kristin jumped up and
said i had to get with him...lol....cause i dont know i
think she has dreams of me and him like getting together
cause she thinks we're both awsome and we'd both be awsome
together. I think she is insane, but man it doesnt help
when one of your closest friends wants you to be with
him...so i dont know if its her warping my mind or not...or
maybe i actually like a guy? And of all people I dont want
to like Ian cause he reminds me of Matt a lot....music
wise, personality wise...etc. And right now I dont want
anyone else like Matt since he is probably the number one
person on my shitlist.

Why is Matt number one? Obviously you havent been reading
this diary reader! I grow to despise him and his ways each
day....i thought when i ended things id be heartbroken but
quite the opposite is happening....i gave him a chance to
make ammends, try to be a decent person about it, but no he
wont even try to be a real friend to me, it proves all
along that i was a dumb bitch for ever thinking we would
work. I regret doing the things we did after we broke
up...kinda tainted my memories of how nice he actually
could be. He proved to me that he is just like every other
fucking guy. Its been two weeks and no no attempts at
trying to contact me whatsoever...cause i guess in the end
he just wanted sex from me and not even wanted to be back
with me. Lesson learned.

Jamey can be number two. We just finished fighting...god
we arent even a couple or dating really, we're friends, but
he acts like im his gf sometimes...not in the nice way
either....fucking gets upset cause i dont respond to his
questions and actions in the way he wants me to behave. He
reminds me (along with Matt) why men are truly assholes and
how thankful i will be when i finally meet the right guy
for me.

Michael is a nice guy....still slowly falling for him....he
is an awsome guy. i dont think i will let anything come
from our friendship cause i value him that much as a
friend...if he read this he would be shocked...lol...but he
wont, and for that im thankful. LIke right now he is back
in NYC visiting family and family...should be in pittsburgh
again later on in the week. I so wanna hang out. GRRRRR
but no time


Oh on non-men note: I gave up caffeine totally (gasp even
chocolate!) and if i am still on this level of no caffeine
at christmas im quitting smoking, or attempting to at
least. Cleaning up my act? Has hell really frozen over?




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