as the Oval turns
2001-11-06 19:42:25 (UTC)


Song of the Season: Darlene Zschech - "Amazing Love"

I remember my parents and even my close friends saying to me
that despite being hurt and kicked around a lot, "don't let
anyone steal your joy."

I feel like God is giving me a heart to be closer to Him, to
know Him more, to grow in a deeper relationship with Him.
Also, I feel like the Lord wants me to trust in Him rather
than my circumstances. Dating is a perfect point. The
stats suck...only 60% of black women marry in their
lifetimes, which is not much more than half, and out of
that, more marriages involving blacks end in divorce than
those that don't. On top of that, it's not exactly a
fashion statement in our culture to be overweight, and too
often people assume that you are fat b/c you overeat and you
don't exercise, which is not the case for me, although I am
considering going back to vegetarianism, so I won't be as
sluggish as I am at this point. In addition, most of the
men that do convey their attraction to me are black men,
which would be a dream for most black women, but not for me,
b/c although I would never exclude dating a brotha, I am
more attracted to and feel more comfortable dating white
men. But...most white men who are attracted to black women
tend to like the dark-skinned skinnier women, i.e. Chocolate

But all of this being said, I know that God is going to
provide a husband for me in the future, and it doesn't
matter that the stats are against me. God is much bigger
and more powerful than the numbers. And, when He does hook
me up with a man after His heart, who is about something,
accepts me and loves me for who I am rather than what he
wants me to be, it'll be an awesome testimony, not just of
God's power, but of His love for His children and
willingness to fulfill our desires if we seek His face, if
we seek His kingdom first. And...although I have all faith
that He will provide, even if He were to give me a different
path for my life that doesn't involve marriage, even if no
male from here on out could catch on to my beauty, and if
everyone said that I was the grossest female on earth, I
will still view myself the way that God sees me, and know
and profess that Jesus is Lord, and that He loves us, and
that He has infinite power, b/c I have already seen that in
action, and even if He finished it today, it's more than
enough for me.

Nobody's going to steal my joy. I've come very close in my
life to allowing that to happen, but the moment you let
someone do that is the moment you've given them power over
your soul. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, no one
will have that kind of power over my life except God

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