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2001-11-06 15:07:14 (UTC)

if only.....if only....if only


Yeah I dont really know what to say. Life is very
confusing as it is. Whatever this shit is that I have
doesnt seem to be going away very fast. Being
sick.....damn I hate it. I so need to go to the doctors
when I have time. Wont be today cuz I get to go breathe
all over the dentist guys and get them sick too. The
reward for wanting me to go....none. There is none.
Unless you count being sick a reward. And I dont!!!

But anyway, I have little things in life that bother me.
For instance, my little sister being like 3 or 4 inches
taller then me. Gosh that pisses me off. And then she
tries to throw me around too. Well of course its gonna
work when she can pick me up and carry me around. And I
cant her. Damn the advantages to being tall.

If only, and I keep saying that to myself, if only. No Im
not gonna tell you if only what, just if only. Think about
it... and you come up with a what, and then you tell me if
only. Make any sence? Who really cares? Not me.

Damn I need a smoke. The art of trying to quit, bitchy and
hungry. But Im not hungry. And not really bitchy either.
But cravings, yeah I want a smoke. But the rewards to that
you ask? DUH I will live longer and be healthier, and its
something that I WANT to do. No pressure, I just want to
be a non-smoker. Not that secong hand smoke or main stream
smoke wont still be here. Hell sometimes its healthier to
be a smoker. Ok I still dont want to be a smoker. It a
really yuck thing to do.

Oh and Im like trying on clothes the other day, and I asked
my sister "does this look like me" she says "no, its not
preppy enough". Its like "come on, im not really that
preppy" Well then compared to her and her baggy ass shit
that doesnt fit, i am then

Ok I am gonna go now cuz I have stuff to do, and I need to
talk to my bf before I tell you guys something. I dont
know if he reads this or not. And I want him to hear it
from me. WHats that you asked? OK OK OK OK I Will tell
you. I got a letter from matt yesterday. I dont know
what his deal is, bbbut Im not with matt anymore. He knows
that. So he needs to not tell me that his kids wants me
there, and all that shit. But I will make sure to tell
Andrew before he reads this.