This Freakin' Life
2001-11-06 14:05:47 (UTC)


Well, here I am, up at 11:40 PM on Tuesday night for no reason. This is the first time I have had one of these "online diary" things. Why, oh why, I will never know.

I wish I was interesting. I guess I am, but I don't give myself enough credit.

I think I need to get away from myself. Things have just been so down lately. Actually, they have for a while, but I am so sick of it. At least I am not causing my head to explode with thoughts like I was a couple of months ago. Man, was I going crazy over ethics and morallity or what? And I know what brought it on. It was that damn book "Crime and Punishment." Damn you, book damn you. Actually I love that book. Constantly battling myself.

I decided today that I will become vegan sometime really soon, even if I don't tell my family. Like they'll notice. Hell, I basically don't eat cheese but once in a while and eggs never. Man, I just now realized I don't know any other vegetarians.

I wish I would be more me. And I know why I'm not. Gah Damnit (form the wise words of Cartman). I need a freaking self esteem pill or something. Or confidence boost whichever. I hate acting differently around certain places and people. And I bring this on myself, I know I do. No one has ever picked on me or any of that type of crap. I'm usually the mutual person or whatever no real enemies (or at least I don't think so).

Here I go on babbling, complaining. I need somewhere to babble and get things out, right??

I was watching tv earlier and it was the discovery channel for some reason. Well, there I was, and the show was talking about rainforests. And I got really angry when they talked about how it was and how quickly it was being destroyed. It's so sad how people abuse this planet. How corny I sound.

I used to feel pain in my chest and heart when I had an intense desire to play guitar. I don't feel it as much anymore. I know it's there though. It's just that I am distant from myself lately. So sad. Boo hoo for me.

All of this stuff is trivial. And how much more can this entry sound like it was written by a sarcastic crybaby? An almost-adult and all I do is cry cry cry....haha.

Okay now that I'm done about me, I think my next entries will not be just about me anymore. This was just the case now because I am tired and bored.