Queer Focus
2001-11-06 04:29:30 (UTC)

Gone Are The Days

Hi-Dee-Ho, Ranger Joe!! It has been such a really long
time since I have written in here. I have been so very
very busy lately, and I have also been really depressed and
lonely. I finally got a job, here in my new home working
for Old Navy. I really enjoy the job, even with all the
blisters that it has caused me on my feet. I work with
some really cool people and they have all welcomed me with
open arms into their "family." This is a quiet a new
experience to me, being so excepted, so quickly. The only
downside to it all, is that I work such exorbitant hours,
because it is getting so close to Christmas and all. All-
in-all, it is actually a fun place to be, so I really am
NOT gonna complain about it all. The other thing that is
bothering me, that is making me so lonely, is that my
Jordan is at home some three hours away from me and I have
not seen him in almost three weeks. It has been very hard,
especially with me being used to be around him 24-7...and
now I gets nuttin. It has been extremely difficult for me,
emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I miss him all the
time and last night I had a horrible dream that Jordan got
drunk at Brandon's house and they had sex. Only, I did not
remember it at all until I was at work today and it all
came back to me. Now, you got to realize that I am totally
not a jealous person at all, but upon thinking about this
stuff, I felt extremely tightness in my chest and I started
to cry AT WORK. I felt my first real pangs of jealousy and
it made me extremely heartsick. I know that the Jordan
would never do such a thing though, but it is still a scary
thing because Brandon CAN be very devious when need be, but
I would hope that he would know better than to hurt me in
that way. Anyway!! And sexually, I don't think that I
possibly masturbate any more than I have in the last three
weeks. It has become my favorite thing to do when I am not
working, sleeping or eating. And the funny thing is that
when Jordan IS around, we normally only have sex 4-5 times
a week, but yet I am masturbating up to twice or three
times a day, almost EVERY DAY. I just miss my boo!