Nothing

Definition through Pain
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2001-11-06 04:12:22 (UTC)

Expectation

Maybe it is simply your hippie obsession bearing its head
once again, but in this journal you have unceremoniously
dubbed yourself nothing. While to many this screams of self-
hatred (which you believe is a good since it is a catalyst
for change which if one lacks he/she ends up a parody of
him/herself), it is actually your plea not to be labeled or
expected to behave a certain way. You wouldn't have been
surprised if a priest had named, and even if you hadn't
rejected Christianity, you wouldn't want to be expected to
be a saint.

To be nothing as if your past has been washed away and you
can become who you wish to be and maybe this is where your
obsession with blood began. Moral degradation is a low
level search for god. However, you always let hot water run
over your flesh, never allowing yourself to be drunk on sex
or violence and in the shower you can for once realize even
the body of a plain girl such as yourself is beautiful.

Maybe this proves that you never finished the Electra
Complex, but as you were watching A Clockwork Orange the
other night, you fanastized about being the male raping the
bitch in the movie but in reality you are more like the one
being raped except instead of being a character in a play,
it is your life and maybe that is why emerging out of the
cloud of steam, you dress again in the same dirty clothes
that only you can smell the stench of.

*~*~*Nothing*~*~*


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