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2001-11-06 02:32:49 (UTC)


this hurts, it hurts too much, i miss them, i miss things,
i miss places and people and dreams and those fucking
lobotomy nightmares are still scaring me into
consciousness. i blink my eyes and i'm awake.
i think if they were still around, just to talk to, to hug
goodnight, to laugh with, just to see, i would feel better.
i wouldn't wake up scared in the middle of the night, i
wouldn't sit around listening to the get up kids and
crying. i've turned into what i vowed never to be. i
epitomize pathetic.
i remember him and how he sent me poetry and said that he
liked sending it to me because i always told him i loved
it. he never got a bad review out of this critic. i
remember the other one and how he would laugh and snort and
he wouldn't care if he sounded stupid. then the rest of us
would laugh because the way he laughed was so fucking
funny, and he would laugh some more and we would laugh some
more and we would all be laughing like maniacs.
im forfeiting. i don't have the energy to cling to
friendships that are pulling away from me with all their
might. i can't even say goodbye, i can't have one last hug
goodnight. i see them around and we're like ghosts. we
don't exist to each other. how did this happen?
"there's a sense of dread this time of year, like running
out of pot and knowing the only way to get high is to drink
the bongwater."

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