The Miserable Freakishness of the Misera
2001-11-05 23:39:32 (UTC)

Fuck. Sorry, that's the most intelligent thing I can think of right now.

Fuck. I managed to fuck things up really good. I've
really pissed off and confused a really good friend of mine
without meaning to because I'm stupid.
I was stupid and made her think that I felt things that I
didn't, and she started feeling things, and it all turned
to shit earlier today. I feel like a fucking retard, but I
should have seen something horrible like this coming. I
think I should just swear off women for a while, get back
on my feet again, shit like that. I don't think I can
handle much more of this "emotional" shit.
I just need to stop and focus. I need to get a new job,
start paying off all of my debts and get back on track. I
need to take care of all of my "grown up" problems before I
start looking for someone special, even though I hate that
term. But it's fucking hard, because I tend to get really
lonely really easily, and I just really need someone to be
there with me. I mean, Jon and Jake are really good
friends, but I can't exactly hold them and kiss them. No.
That's just wrong for so many reasons.
I just want someone I guess, but I'm not going to worry
about it. I have other things to worry about and preoccupy
myself with. I don't have to torture myself with women
when I can just do it with a super heated cigarette lighter.
I'm watching my uncle's house for the week so it's just me
and my sixteen year old brother there. I think I'm going
to drink myself into a vomitting stupor tonight. That way
I can burn myself a few times before I get sick at the
sight of swollen and postulant flesh.
I gotta go now. I'm so fucking disappointed with myself.

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