kaekay

Reality Check
2001-11-05 21:29:25 (UTC)

Bird

Bird is Britnie. Bird's her nickname. She's in my rotc
class, and lately we've become good friends. she dates
steven, who is fred's best friend...so we're always around
each other. we're just alike. we wear the same type of make
up, have the same hair color, been through the same shit.
today she told me about how up in canada where she used to
live, she was apart of this "group", and she was scared
because she left and that is something that would really
upset them and she doesn't want to get hurt or have her
friends get hurt. to my suprise, we were part of the same
group....just at different parts of the country. we've both
been through everything. and through all the shit that i've
been through because of that group, i'm kinda glad i went
through it now, because i see how much better it makes her
feel to know that someone understands what she's going
through, and that makes me feel good that it's me. i don't
know. for once i can actually say that the pain i've been
through has come in handy. people say pain teaches you a
life lesson. god must think that i'm pretty ignorant cause
i'm getting taught a lot of lessons. I feel so angry and sad
all of the time, and it's just like, memories are always
flooding my head and then with everything that's always
going on here...i don't know. i'm supposed to be the life of
the party. i'm always the one who can solve everyone else's
problems, who can always make people laugh...who's always
got that glow around her. it's hard to live up to that with
all these feelings inside. but that's what everyone likes
about me. if i'm not like that, noone will want to be around
me. i don't like being sad and depressed all the time, so i
pretend that i'm not. it's just getting harder and harder to
pretend.




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