Carlotta

The first Fight

Ok, well I threw up today. I feel sick. On Saturday night
Andrew and I had a huge fight. I was pushing him to see me
that night. I knew he was sick. But I admit I was being
selfish. Yesterday we talked a little bit more. I am so
scared. I know that I love him. I don't want us to break
up. I don't want to fuck this up. I want to fix this, but
we need to figure out what is best for us. I need to relax.
I just wish I was seeing him more, and I know its not like
he doesn't want to see me. It just we are so busy. I want
to know how to make our relationship better. I know that if
we can talk through this our relationship will only get
stronger. I am going to try to get up and see him tomorrow
night. We need to talk in person. I want to work through
this. I care about him. I feel like a big pile of mush. I
have been crying a lot. These god damn birth control pills
have been pumping a shit load of hormones in me. I think
that is part of it. The other part is frustruation of the
fight, I have felt it coming since before he met my dad. I
for a little while had been really pissy. I was pissy cause
plans with us were never seeming to work out. When we are
together we are a happy couple falling in love. The only
problem I see in the relationship is that I get frustruated
when our plans do not work, get pissy with him and get
selfish and "possessive" is what he says. I can sort of see
the possessiveness, but really need clarification with him.
Well, I will hopefully be talking to him tonight. So maybe
I can see him tomorrow. I want to make this relationship
work and I am thinking about telling him about my online
journal for him to see and maybe he will see where I am
coming from and that I really do care about him and don't
want to be be possessive and want to bring him closer not
drive him away. I just hope this works out.