lil girl

my eyes
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2001-11-05 04:37:06 (UTC)

oh... I lie so much

I pretend I don't care that my friends take advantage of
me. I don't want to upset people. People do that enough
with out my help.

Damn. If she got caught, and I'd been going along with it
(as I have in the past), I'd be in trouble...

If she got hurt, and I'd been going along with it, I'd hate
myself. I couldn't sleep.

And yet, if I ratted her out, she and probably some of her
friends (also my friends) would hate me forever... it would
stir up all kind of soap-opera-like situations and
emotions... it would disrupt any peace I established after
working so hard.

She knows the risks involved.
She knows what could happen.
Does she knows how she's making us feel?


She does it all for love.
I hope it is real.
I pray for them.
Really.
It had better work.
It had better be worth it.

Usually, when I make sacrifices for a friend, I know the
value of what I'm doing. Now... I'm not so sure.

And her parents.

Three of them told on another friend when she was cutting.
But the three of us, we didn't tell when the girl I was
talking about above was hurt by her parents. Are the first
three right? What is it, to do the right thing?

I try to be a person of high integrity.
And I have been failing lately... forgetting.
Then, I attempt to act with integrity once again, and I am
lost. Not from lack of practice; but from complicated
situations.

Its not fair.



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