Not So Pretty

burn out
2001-11-05 03:32:39 (UTC)

you're so fuckin' special

have you ever had someone in your life who you're just
soooo fucking jealous of? I mean like....to the point of
pulling your hair out and screaming at yourself as you sit
on the floor rocking... like a baby. it's fucking hell. I
swear that I was never meant to be happy. When something
in life really good happens, then something bad happens to
even it all out, and then something bad alwayz happens to
the good thing...and so.. obviously I was never EVER meant
to be happy. Do you want an example? Okaiez.... here's
one. the bad thing: a friend of the family, who I thought,
and still think is by far the most beautiful being ever to
live. Who had such a pure heart and soul.... died becuz
she was really sick and was in the hospital for a month,
and then sent home, and then one day her Oldest daughter
Christy found her in her room and she hadn't been breathing
for about a half an hour. So they took her to the
emergency room and they got her breathing again, but she
was on life support, and they said that even if they could
save her.... she would be brain dead. Sooo.... NO ONE I
mean... no one wanted her to go through that. that...
that...beautiful person. So fucking beautiful. so... they
pulled the plug.... she's gone now. Her youngest daughter
is now on anti-depressents... I admire her strength
though. I don't know what I could do....that is... IF i
could do anything if my mom died. but n e wayz... that
happened durring the summer.... the good thing: Josh.. Josh
was just well...Josh. There's nothing..no words that I can
come up with to express what or how he was. He was mine
though. and I love him...so fucking much. the thing that
happened to the good thing: Josh dissappeared ...Nuff Said..
so you see... I can't be happy. Never. but uh...I gotta
go cuz my mother and I are going out for Coffee.. toodlez!
Jecka