Blue Castle reverie

My Saga
2001-11-05 03:13:42 (UTC)

failing

So, my calculus teacher called my parents tonight. And my
mom has the audacity to act so fucking surprised that I'm
failing. YOU KNEW THAT, MOM! You've seen every fucking
grade I've made in that class; I've told you I'm having
problems, and yet you thought somehow my grade was just
magically something else? I have a 48.92 right now, which
is 10 points higher, since it's an AP class, but it's
pretty damn far away from passing, AND YOU KNEW that. But
she calls, and you act like you didn't know, you act like
you had no idea that this was a core class, and that if I
don't pass it, I don't graduate. YOU KNEW! We've only
gone over what is core curriculum and what isn't half a
dozen times. "Isn't there something else you could take?"
you ask, like we didn't sit down last year and discuss my
options; AP calc AB, AP calc BC, or AP stat, and yet you
seem to think you know absolutely nothing about the math
track that I'm on. Fuck you both. I can still remember at
the end of 8th grade, sitting there with the two of you,
trying to pick out my classes for 9th grade, and TELLING
you I wanted to take college prep math, that I didn't think
I could handle honors, I sat there, crying, like I am now,
telling you that I knew my limits, but you said "No, you
can do so much more. You're such a bright child, and you
have to take the hardest curriculum you can" I told you I
couldn't, and you told me I had to. And now, 3 and a half
years later you're asking me "Isnt there another class you
could have taken?" Yes mom, yes dad, 4 grades ago there
was... but now I'm stuck on this math track. I'm not saying it's not
my fault. It is. I realize that I'm the one failing, that
I'm the one who'll probably end up having to go to
the "alternative high school" to graduate with her class,
but don't you dare act like you didn't know. Don't you
dare.