Being Wildly Attractive
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2001-11-04 18:40:10 (UTC)


I don't know what's happening. Rob took me farther than I
have ever been... Do I want to keep going? Does he want to
keep going? If he does, can I stop him? I know I can stop
him, but do I want to? Rob is like a dream. Tall, blond,
blue eyes, a junior! What does he see in me? I take that
back, I know what he sees. I am lost in a world I've never
seen before. There have always been rumors about me, but
now they are exceeding in number and sexual content. I have
to decide. But I can't. Christoph put it plainly a couple
weeks ago, "I could never go out with a freshman. I mean,
it would be a freshman! There would be rumors." I thought
that was a foolish thing to say. That was before I did
anything with Rob. Now I see that yes, in fact freshman and
juniors create a great deal of rumors. Why didn't I listen
to Christoph? He may be German, but he was right on that
one. I feel like I am in a dark tunnel and it seems like it
can't get any harder, yet every step I take moves me to a
darker and more confusing path. I can't say that I don't
enjoy being in this strange and new tunnel, nor can I say
that I do enjoy it. Should I turn around and go back to
Earth? Should I stop where I am? Should I go forward and
see where this path will lead me? The first is somewhat
satisfying. I had a nice life on Earth. The second is
relaxing. If I stop, nothing will change, and I know what
is happening in my life. However the third is incredibly
intriguing. I don't know what the path is leading to... it
could be a whole new world of emotions and dreams! I think
I have decided. Yes. Now I just have to wait for Rob to
call me with our plans for tomorrow.