2001-11-04 05:53:17 (UTC)

i wish sometimes that i could..

i wish sometimes that i could be like you.
in a little haze.
in my own little haze.
inflicted upon me
by stupid fucking chemicals.
i wish sometimes that i didnt feel
like you dont
that i could shut myself out of this place.
find comfort somewhere.
but i dont.
i cant.
i w o n t
you pretend.
and i believe.
because i want to.
i NEED to.
i needed to hear you say it.
say what you didnt mean.
because i know that you were lying.
you do that way too much
for me.
and i think im hitting a point.
like theres this little fragmented line in my mind.
and youre getting closer.
and closer.
and im choosing to ignore it.
telling myself im fine.
but youre edging closer still.
and im pretend that i cant feel.
your hands on my thigh.
or your voice
in my mind.
yes. yes. i choose this over you.
yes. this...this reality.
this is something you can never be apart of.
never again.
and im thinking too much.
im not thinking enough.
and its better.
its better that i dont.
because then.
i can continue my days.
without crying.
for you.
because you dont cry.
for yourself.
and im pissed because youre so much to me.
and youve never been enough.
for you.