losergirl

Here on Earth

You hand me life on a golden platter
a royal feast for me to devour
diamonds and sapphires embedded into the gold
catch the sunlight that you created just for me
i close my eyes to shield myself
from the brightness and the splendour
and a tear falls from your eye when i miss the beauty
of it all.

hmmm well i got this far with writing a poem this morning,
and then i got distracted on msn and lost all the idea's
dammit!

well nothing even really to say today, corey is this poem worth
finishing? your the older wiser one of the two of us...a
lil help please...well im going to watch prolly my second
favourite love story ever(second to romeo and juliette of
course) here on earth....i recommend it to all you
sheltered peoples who have yet to see it...

i think i am feeling a lil love sick of late, but i dont want a
relationshiop, just affection i think. thats not fair to the other
perosn though and i learnt that the hard way...things are just so
damn tricky, i wonder if the world was created with all this
complication in mind..like i wonder if theres another world where
none of it exists. but hence the title im stuck here on earth...

i have a new favourite song ill tell you what its called later when i
find out...its at the start of this movie, its so nice.

i have decided im going to start writing better and more
poetically in here, at the mo' it just comes straight form
my mind onto the paper, i think i might start processing it
a lil better. i am really doubting this dance thing, but i
will go at least once....i havent got any feedback from
corey on this journal in a while, wonder if he's still
reading?

wel i wrote jen and beck a letter today to address the trio
situation this morning before i left. i was very in
control about it. i told them i love them both but im not
going to have a constant struggle to keep the friendship,
im taking a break for a while to let us all sort our stuff
out, then we can just gradually grow closer together again.
i've come to a realisation things will never be the same as
they were and i was very wrong to assume they would. i dont
even want them how they used to be anymore, i think i need room
to breathe and be me without being a third of a person
(which is pretty much what i am with them) i think i have
just(as im writing this) recognised a little more of my
problem, i am sick of never being refered to as just sam.
sometimes i just want to be me, not one of the
teenyboppers...timon and corey are the only people at the
moment who do grant me that luxury and i think thats why im
warming to them both so much...hah i get it now. i love it
when your mind just lifts up the curtain and shows you a
part of you that you didnt even know existed..that
makes sense though, i do hate it how people just categorise me. maybe
this break will be better for all three of us.

i read coreys journal and it was quite interesting, i think
he has taken a new approach to writing it. i wont go in to
detail because he's the only one who reads this and i
already wrote an email...so anyway im gonna go chat to joe
on msn for a bit. i wrote him a big sorry mail apologising
for what a bad friend ive been. i know all this joe
trouble is mainly his fault, but i miss him and if getting
him back means me being the humble one i can handle that...

well talk to you tomorrow...wish me luck with dance...ahh

sam xo

I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant me what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return.
Earth's the right place for love,
I don't know where it's likely to go better.--robert frost,
birches...(from here in earth)

i love that poem...ill post the whole thing one day.