Ugly on the inside
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2001-11-04 01:49:15 (UTC)

candy pudding bomb

what i'd give to be pretty...

i was talking to nate just a few minutes ago. (he's a kid i
recently just started talking to from my school) anyways,
me being the complete retard that i am, i asked who he
thought was hot. just out of pure curiosity. He mentioned a
few people who i'd have no idea why they'd be pretty to
anyone, but everyone is different i suppose. his
reasoning: "they're skinny and have a good body" hello?!
i'm skinny (114lbs) and i don't see guys crawling all over
me. then he proceeds to say how hot Hillary is... she's a
girl i talk to at school, every guy loves her and it makes
me sick. why can't i be pretty like she is? what's wrong
with me? i have a picture from my last diary at
what do you think? argh, it's not fair. maybe if i were
pretty then people would talk to me, guys would want to
talk to me, people would think better of me. i don't know,
just something. i feel like complete crap because of it.
just because i don't spend 20 hours a day in front of the
mirror or have perfect skin...does that make me ugly? i
feel like giving up so badly... i just need someone to talk
to. this just makes me feel even worse than i was before.
i'm lower than the nothing i saw myself as... how is that
possible? can i be below nothing? aparently. i hate myself.