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2001-11-04 01:37:18 (UTC)

my day....................

today i went to this highland games thing. it was pretty
fun. there were lots of irish stuff there. and i got this
cool bedspread that has a star and moon on in. cuz you know
how much i love the star and moon thing. and i got some
buttons and a necklace and a red shirt with little dogs on
it. i think i'll wear it tomorrow. then we went out to eat.
when i got home i had to leave to go babysitting. i showed
this little gurl how to make a heart. she was 4. it took
her forever. i never thought drawing a heart could be so
hard for someone. its late. my sister is out again. with
her friends. her life is great. she has all these friends
and is good at music. shes so cool and pretty. i don't know
why she conplains in her diary so much. she wote in there
today. it says how she got this necklace for my mom and how
she really liked it. she left out the part about me paying
for it. she wrote "everyone is in such a bad mood. i wish
they could just be happy." maybe i wasn't "happy" but i was
in a good mood, and i was very nice to her. i've been
watching how i act around her. i don't know why she never
says anything good about me. i don't know what her problem
is. today my mom came in and was talking to me and my
sister. she goes, "i have three screwed up kids." and was
readlly sad and mad. she stormed out. i don't know what
made her say that. it really hurt. i feel like i failed
her. i use to not be screwed up. ok maybe i was but she
didn't know about it. i was the normal child. and i mad my
mom happy. now that she found out through the letter, she
feels like all her kids have some kind of problem and
aren't normal. i feel bad. like she doesn't love me as much
as she use to. and i don't like the way shes always
cracking on my sis about her madican and stuff. ( my sis
has ansiaty) (sp?) but its really not bad at all. she seems
normal to me. i think my mom just makes stuff up cuz she
feels like hurting our feelins or something. i really don't
know why. but i do know that her mom was the same way. so
i'm worried that when i become a mom i will be that way
too. that is way i am never going to get married. and i'm
never going to have kids. i always tell my friends that.
but i never tell them why. so that is why. i have to go cuz
i want to see how that bed spread looks on in my room.