Just a nother day in pardaise
Now Im at ny job, I had to get up at 05.20!!!!! now its
09.43 and Im having a litte break off the record.
I used to love being here, now I just feel its a place who
eat up all my time and that I might quit afther christmas
if things dont change.
I stil got my afther school job, I get a lot of mony from
there, and I also work at home, so the only difference will
be that I will get more time...... hopfully.
Today I feel really ugly, so therefore I eat, I haven`t
been eating all week so I deserve it.
I think a lot on S*, what his doing, where he is, what
he`s thinking........about me.
If he is gonna call me when he is drunk like he used to,
Im sleeping with my phone of this weekend, but maybe next
weekned, if he calls then, I might talk to him.
I cant tell him how much I want him, need him and love him
when he`s not here, its not the same over the phone you
know, it will probobly just sound silly.
But I`ll try to give him hints and be cool.
Im also thinking about Chris, I hate my self for that.
This time witout Stian Im gonna use to renew my self, not
get me a nother hartbreak, its not like we`re gonna get
marrid and live happy after or so, it wont work out!!!
So why cant I just understand that and give up?
Thers one more boy you shold know about, my ex, actualy I
never wanted to be together with him, but stil we got
together, he choked me, he was all over me, all the time,
finaly ( at that time S* didnt "wanted" to see me) I
told him that this had to end (I think I told him three
times before he understod that I meant it, so we decided to
just be friends.
But I cant be friends with him, I hate him, I tryed to get
some time for my self (I was in love with * you know)
but he came home to my house even if i said I wassnt gonna
be home that day!!!!!!
But now I figure out that I have go tell a few things, we
have to talk about this, even thow I dont want to, if not
Im gonna let him control my life for ever, and I have to
tell him about Stian, even thow thats gonna hurt him.
Lots of love