listen to my silences
2001-11-03 06:04:08 (UTC)

to explain

ok, so i accidently deleted that convo i was gonna save and
now i need to attempt to write stuff out before i go to bed.

possible causes of the "indifferent to myself" mood...
1.i'm more worried about my friends right now, and i don't
want to change that
2.i don't like pity
3.i don't really know what's going on

that basically covers it. i know that god holds my future
in his hands and that he has a purpose for everything, but
i want to know what is going on. i want to know where i'm
going. i'm tired of going in circles. but the thing is,
the reason i'm going in circles is cause i'm trying to
control everything. the control doesn't lie with me, no
matter how much i want it to. but i'm having the hardest
time letting go of the thought that i can control fate. i
know i can't...but i want to.

final thought: there are things you know, there are things
you don't know. there are things you don't want anyone
else to know, there are things you don't want to know. but
the hardest to deal with are the things you want to know
but aren't supposed to.