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2001-11-03 03:28:00 (UTC)

i feel so bad

i just got done reading my sister's online diary. its
sad to say i felt like crying as i read all her intry's.
shes still at the fair. she talked alot about how depressed
she was. i knew she was always unhappy but i never knew she
was depressed. i feel really bad. she wrote alot of stuff
in there that put me down. and i feel 10 levels lower than
her. i should respect her more. and be nicer. its hard. i
love her alot. we use to be really close. and she would
tell me everything. but not anymore. i don't know what
happened. the last few weeks she has barely talked to me.
i feel so bad. she kept writing "i wish i would die" and
she kept talking about suacide. i swear to who ever reads
this, that if she does it , i'm right after her. i mean it
too. i've had enough pain. i don't think i could take
anything like that. she also wrote alot about how she wants
someone to hold her. i'm not sure what she is talking
about. i know she doesn't mean me. she doesn't love me. and
that hurts. ......alot. i feel bad for her cuz her life is
going nowhere. but so is mine. but i feel worse for her cuz
i love her more. i'm beginning to wonder how much do i
really love myself? i'm going to continue to read her
:: malorie::
p.s. phillip, if your reading this. i just want to say that
i love you. not like b/f. but like a brother love. your
really sweet to me. and not many guys are.

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