princess_buckethead

After the Break-Up

So I was slightly disillusional still...

March 2nd 2001

Hey there you,
so i was totally serious when I told you that while
overhearing the fight between Carrie and Brian, all I could
think of was the fact that I wanted to come and apoligize
to you. It was the first time that I was in an unbiased
spot while hearing the whole situation with them. I was
laying on my bed and I could hear the hurt and frustration
in Carrie's voice, and all I could think of was, "I did
that to Justin." I couldn't believe it. I am desperatly
sorry for that. I can chalk it up to being a good thing in
so many ways, but really, in the end, I'm sorry that I ever
cause you that much frustration by trying to push you
away. I still stand by the fact that it was because I
trusted you, because I knew that I could apoligise later
and you would understand where I was coming from. But the
end result is still the same and that's all I can really
say about that.

When you and Irene first got together, I went through the
normal stage of, "what on earth does she have that I
don't?" Or better yet, "What does she give him that I
didn't." At the time I coudln't come up with anyting
because, well frankly, I was jealous and biased. But
surprisingly, when I was a little more rational, I began to
see what those things were-they are amazing qualities.
You're lucky to have found her, as she is you. I know how
wonderfullly loved you can make someone feel, and I hope
she appreciates that in you. In can see clearly,
especially after spending time with the two of you last
night, how much you love her, and it's really good to see
you that happy. It was a very weird feeling, sort of like
when I watch my sister and Rico or Adrienne and
Chris...when you have to smile because the happiness is
contagious. I will be the first to admit that there are
times when seeing you and her is just too overwhelming, but
I honestly believe that it's mostly when I'm in an, "I miss
my best friend" mood and those are feelings that are going
to come and go for a while and nothing that will hinder any
relationship.

Justin, I'm proud of us-we did it, you got your wish.
People are impressed with how well we've handled all of
this...Carrie especially. She came down here to thank me
when she finished fighting with Brian. I assumed it was
simply for listening, but she surprised me by saying that a
year ago she would have handled her fight a lot
differently. But in that year she's seen how you and I
always handled our disagreements, and was amazed by the
fact that you and I can pretty much get through anything
just by talking and reasoning. You and I are good at that,
we know each other so well that even our most severe fight
happened because we were annoyed by the fact that we were
facing the truth and didn't want to see it. I love that
about us.

Most of all Justin, I love you. I don't think you will
ever fully know how much it means to me to know that I
still have you as my best friend after all of this. I love
the fact that this never got ugly and secrets were kept and
promises were not broken. I love the fact that I can still
trust you with anything and know that there is nothing I
can't talk about with you. I love the fact that you are my
best friend above all else. Don't forget that okay? or me
for that matter.

Anywhoo, since I'm trying to get this all out at 3am, I
know that I've probably forgotten things, or I'm talking in
circles, but I think I got most of it out. I guess it just
comes down to this: I'm happy for you and Irene, but I'm
also glad that I still have my Justin. You're not gone,
despite previous comments. At least once a day i get a
spark of him and it makes my day that much brighter...my
day wouldn't seem complete without it.

I love you Justin Micheal Boudreau. I love you as only a
best friend can.

Goodnight
xo
love me :)