princess_buckethead

Before the Break-Up

Feb. 14 2000

My Justin,
I don't even know where to being writing this...just as you
and I have said a million times before, the love we share
goes beyond what simple words can express. Anais Nin once
said "Two souls are sometimes created together and in love
before they are even born" and only now am I beginning to
realise how true that is.

I can barely begin to scratch the surface when I say that I
love you Justin. I know we've talking about it
before...soul mates...but I don't think you realise how
fully I believe that we are. You came into my life with
just a simple twist of fate, at a time when I desperatly
needed someone to come in and help me see that not all
things are bad, and that yes, even when the situations
around us are not exactly ideal, there is always one things
that will continue to make us smile: that one star that
shines brightly through winters roughest storms...you are
that star for me Justin. Even when it has felt as though
my whole world was tumbling down around me, so that while
pushing my way out of the rubble, I barely knew who I was
anymore, you were still there...continually holding my hand
and making sure that at the very least, I knew that I was
loved. i can't deny that people have tried to do that
before,but you are the one person that I have really let
help me. It's because there has never been a single moment
when I have not felt safe and protected with you.

There are so many times this all still catches me off
guard. After you fall asleep at night, or while I'm
daydreaming in Jean Manore's history lectures, I find
myself amazed that all these qualities actually come
together in one person. I know it's hard for you to
believe it, but I am. Minus Adrienne, not one other time
in my life have I been with someone who makes me laugh the
way you do, who listens to my nonsensical babbling, who
lets me cry for as long as I need to, who hugs me and knows
not to let go, whose kisses make my knees go weak, and
whose simple touch seems to light a thousand fires under my
skin. You are the only person I have ever been able to
turn to for help and not feel ashamed or as though I was
dissapointing you by admitting that I needed it. In fact,
you were happy when I did. But most importantly, you are
the first and only person I have ever been in love with.

I know that must sound strange, but it's true. It's
something that took me a long time to realise. I thought I
had been, and it's easy to see why I thought it was love,
but there is one huge difference with you...the absense of
fear. Everytime I have felt something for someone it was
laced with fear: whether or not I would be hurt, whether or
not I could by myself around them, whether or not I could
admit that I was scared. With you I don't feel that fear
at all. I lost it the day I "jumped in." I know that you
won't stop loving me because I've said something wrong. To
quote you, you will love me, "even if I'm just a paper bag
princess."

I truly believe that only a soul mate could love a paper
bag princess.

xo
love me :)