Karen & Austin~edd=11-15-01
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2001-11-02 15:45:15 (UTC)

The stupid Funeral!!

My family and I went to my Aunts funeral*.It was stupid
because of the mean things our family's seperate cults said
about eachother.Id never admit it but I cried at the
sermon.My aunt Barb knew the pastor personally so it was
more sntamental than the typical one.My sister came over and
hugged me but I couldnt help crieing.I wouldnt look in the
casket at my aunt because she wasnt herself to me anymore
now that she couldnt aquardly hug me or say "Fatso" after I
say hello.Everyone said she looked like a "clean" undrugged
version of herself.Thats not her.She wasnt "clean" ,she was
funny and buzzed.Thats what made her so cool.
What bothered me was that it was like a family get together
where each group was split damning and whispering about
eachother.Im quiet so I heard most of everything.My aunt
Tresa has cancer.When she told my aunt Pat we'd be up here
next for her aunt Pat laughed and said she was probably
right.That was a very nasty thing to say.My dad and uncle
joe were standing far away talking about how lucky my aunt
was to be dead not needing to worry about a fix her
theiveing sons...I didnt like that eather.My aunt Rose and
her girlfriend were bumming cigarettes and money outside.I
thought that was pretty low to go.My aunt Barb was drinking
in the car and my cousin Jen was joking about it.I told her
Im sure me and her would be doing something similar if our
sisters ever got hurt,not to mention died.The funeral
downstairs had a funny smell from perfumes and stuff so
everyone talked about that.The BIGGEST thing that got to me
I wouldnt say to my family.It was how everyone damned my
aunts son Eddie for not paying for anything.Hes about to
have the first church wedding in my moms whole side since my
grandparents and hes been off drugs for over a year.They
should give him some credit for that.All his life his family
made life rough on him.Now hes still supposed to keep
dishing out money?I give up.I guess in my family you have to
give all the time or you think youre better than them.The
funeral was like an awful family reunion that I could have
done without seeing.Half the family were people I hadnt seen
in years,and all of them talked about eachother.
Yesterday I took Wayners to the WIC office with me so I
wouldnt have to sit alone.Theyve started printing checks on
site and making seperate checks for everything.Thats a lot
of checks.I asked them when they would be adding formula to
my checks and they said it would be in the next set of
checks after the baby is born.That screws me because I wont
get another set of checks until 3 months.WIC isnt like
welfare though.Its from the seller instead of the tax payer.
WIC has started appointment set-ups from now on.ICK!
After we went to the office I took wayne to the library to
pick up some books.He showed me how to use the computer card
catalogue.I know how but it was fun having him teach me
anyways.We picked out poem books by Shel Silverstein.I read
them to him and stephanie,and it kept them quiet for a few
Everyone I talked to said Id have Austin early because of
my young age.It scared me for a long time.When the baby
weighed over 5 lbs and could be safely born I started
looking forward to delivering early.I always siad Id have
him the night before halloween or by november 1st.Its past
november 1st and Im still waiting.All my pissy worries of
what other people said would happen were for nothing?Its
anoying as hell to know that now.I dont know whats up with
me anymore.I seem to complain sleep and eat my days away
Ive been sleeping pretty normal for the past few days and
not staying on line all the time.Even though Im not sleepy,I
still feel like laying down a lot.I walk around the house
all the time because I cant stand to be sitting still.Im
going to stay online a while,answer some letters and wait
for my bf to get off work.Ill type more to this later.