It's Been A Foxy~ Day
2001-11-02 08:39:13 (UTC)

I do.......or do I???

Much has happened in this past couple of weeks. I've
been talking to Jason much more and it seems as if his
feelings have been growing too. His more than mine
though. In the middle of an online conversation, he
proposed marriage to me out of the blue. I couldn't
believe it and took it as a joke. He wasn't kidding
though. He truly wants to marry me. I explained to him
that you don't get married because you like somebody and
think that they're cool. You get married because you're in
love with that person. His words were, "Well I would tell
you that I love you, but you wouldn't believe me anyway."

This came as a complete shock to me. This was the guy
who's engagement I destroyed just after one night in the
backseat of a car. It was at that moment that he realized
that he was getting married to the wrong person. He broke
off the relationship with the girl, but she did ANYTHING to
keep him still. She even bought an Eclipse, that is
Jason's dream car. He stayed around for the car and now has
the ownership to it.

Well, last night I was joking around with him again about
getting married. I told him that we really had to talk
about this because it's hard for me to trust me or him, due
to our past. I've seen him in relationships and he's seen
me in mine. Actually, I've seen him in MANY relationships
and he's seen me in just one. It was a serious one though,
this guy was my first true love. And no matter what, there
will always be a special place in my heart for Rob.

He told me that he would show up later today so we could
talk. I know him and how he works, so I wasn't going to
hold my breath. He always knows when to show up
unexpectedly though. My dad came back in the house from
the garage and told me that Jason was outside. Well, Jason
and my mom struck up a conversation. He's trying to get to
know my family because I told him that I'm an old fashioned
kind of girl. I want a guy on bended knee with a ring.
Not an instant message that states "Wanna get married."

We ended up back at his house and had our talk. He told
me that he wanted to be in a long term relationship because
I wasn't like any of the other girls. They all demanded to
know where he was and tried to control him. He told me
that I'm the kind of person who could give a rats @$$ about
his whereabouts. He continued with telling me that he
wants a really long term, dragging the word long along
slowly, causing me to laugh. Right when I started to say
something, he did the one thing that always makes me melt.
He kissed me. It wasn't one of those "I need you at this
moment" kiss. It was a "This is what life is going to be
like from now on" kiss.

He asked me what I was thinking (as my legs were wrapped
around his neck, but that's another story for a different
diary), I told him that I was willing to try us out. I
didn't say it, I said us. He was happy and so was I for
the first time. I've never seen either of us that happy in
the year that I've known him for. So, now I am starting a
new relationship with someone. Last time I did that was
three years ago with David, my high school sweetheart.
After him came Rob. Rob literally came and went from my
life. He probably will show up later in my life and I'll
be forced to make a decision between the two. Both hate
each other, and I care deeply for both of them. So it's
going to be a tough choice.

Mood- My legs are wobbly and numb, other than that I feel great!

Song I have going- Candy In The Sun by Swirl 360 (Karri told me about
this song and I love it)