once again
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2001-11-02 06:29:32 (UTC)

far far away

i got an email from Shawn. Saturday, i'm sure it was. One
sentence and nothing more. No phone calls, nothing...two
weeks. I don't get how he can be like that with me. I
wrote him this nasty letter and I'm sure that's why he sent
the email. I want to give up on all of this. I want to go
so far away where no one knows me and start everything
over. But I know life doesn't work like that and I know I
have to be strong. I also know that when you love someone
you do everything in your power to be able to talk to that
person... no matter what. Maybe I'm crazy for thinking
like that but I don't get it. This all makes me not want
to even go there and see him in 3 weeks, but it's too late
now. All I want to do is talk to him. I'm going to try to
call him from work tomorrow night and see what the hell is
going on. Tuesday night my ex from 6 years ago, Robert
(the reason I had to move to Florida) was in Chili's eating
with his boss. I went over and we started talking. I hung
out with him for hours and yesterday too. He wants me back
I know it but I know I'mjust lone ly looking for someone at
the time. We were supposed to hang out tonight when he got
off but I drove past his house and he was there so I called
to make sure it was still cool and no answer then I drove
past again and he was gone. Then I get the whole I'm tired
thing and that pissed me off. Amica went and got her
tarots cards read. THe lady told her that Dave was not
meant to be her husband and she doesn't know if she
believes her but she feels peace of mind. She has backed
off alot. I've decided that I'm going to get mine read
too. When I go there, she is taking me. I don't really
know if I'm prepared to know everything but I need to know
somethings. If i'm waisting my time let me know. That's
all...I think I deserve it. Because if so I need to work
on getting over him again and if not then I need to work on
helping him get here. I just want to feel his
embrace...the one thing that made me feel safe. I'm always
thinking of him and it kills me. I don't know how to deal
with this and sometimes I wish that I never would've
started talking to him again. Things were easier then. I
went threw my day happy. I want that again. Actually I
just want to cry all the time.

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