Sarah Michelle

Today is already going to slow..

Today is already going to slow for me. I wish tomorow was
Monday. This week is Spring Break so we don't have school
all next week. Unfortunately I have to get my wisdom teeth
out on Thursday of Spring Break. But anyways..thats not for
like, a week, so why worry about it! Yesterday when I wrote
I was worried about Wes and never got to finish because my
dad wanted me off the internet. The reason I was worried
was because I'm not sure if I still like him all that much.
Sure I still have feelings for him but...they aren't the
same. I am tired of calling him and not having anyhting to
talk about. And then we just sit there on the phone and
pick at each others imperfections untill we get into a
fight. I just wish I could tell him about it, but I'm
afraid he will take it the wrong way and get pissed. Plus
he always tells me he loves me but it's hard to say back to
him. I mean, I'm not the type of person just to give my
feelings away like that. If I meet somone new, then it
takes awhile for me to warm up to them. Before Wes and I
started dating, I had talked to him like 1 or 2 months
before I gave in and let myself go for him. Lately I have
been thinking about what it would be like to be dating
someone else...like freaky people such as Andy Vories! TOO
SCARY! All my friends think Wes and I are perfect together
and we never fight, but really thats all we have been doing
lately. It's either that or I'm getting ticked at him for
little things and he never relizes it. Like last night. We
always have this ritual thing before we hang up we say I
love you then by...but last night he called me and we sat
there then he was like well I'm going to Oaktown with Tim.
I kinda got ticked necuause I wanted to go to Andrea's but
I didn't think it would be that much fun with out him so I
was like "Why did you even call me back?!" and he yelled
back "BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW TIM WAS HERE OTHERWISE I
WOULDN'T HAVE!" Then I was like god you don't have to yell
at me. Then he said bye and I told him bye and we hung up.
I have this thing where when I'm pissed I don' talk and
don't like to talk about my feelings so I clam up and don't
let my feelings show to ANYONE. I don't like the thought
that I am letting a GUY get to me like this. I like the
feeling of me be tough and not needing anyone in the
world...unfortunately, I think I am figuring out that I do
need someone. Whether it's Wes, or Clarissa, or Andrea or
even Kristy and Karen, I need someone but I'm not going to
admit it untill I have to. Well I never meant to make this
so long...next time maybe it will be short!! Later-