confused_forever

Trix
Ad 0:
Ezoic
2001-11-02 04:48:44 (UTC)

Let me be your hero..

Nov 1, 2001

11:25pm

This is the song that I want to dance to with Brett at out
wedding, Our wedding, obviously I still want to be with
him... I love him, I want a life with him, I am scare I
think, I am scared that if I love him too much; I will loose
again.

I know we have been together much longer than James and I
ever were... and the circumstances between us are way
different than between James and I were... and ever will be
again.. If there ever is an again!

I know I am not ready to throw away everything I have with
Brett, I know that what I have with Brett is something
special, something worth waiting for, maybe something that
only happenes to people who actually deseve it.

I don't think I do, the way I treat him sometimes.. You see
sometimes I alienate him, I push him away.. I am not sure
why? It's just that sometimes I feel that maybe if I push
him away far enough, then he will realize that we aren't
meant to be together and take the first step to leave and
find new love...

But I can't do this to him, I can't push him away for more
than a couple of days.. he has such an angelic face, it
makes you want to love him, it makes you HAVE to love him;
by just looking at him, when he sleeps; I love him more and
more. He'll do something that makes me laugh and I fall in
love with him all over again!

I know he will make a great father to our child.. I also
know that James is a wonderful father, he loves his child to
pieces I have witnessed this. I know Brett will make a
wonderfull husband, at the same time I also know that James
never wants to marry again, his heart was broken and he
feels that no woman can ever mend it.

This does not work for me. I have always wanted to be a wife
and a mother. I feel that it is very important to marry once
love is established.

Sometimes I feel like my life was designed out to be like
that of my engagement ring that I wear upon my finger.
A Great big'ol circle of never ending confussion.

Will I ever see an out from all of this? will I ever be made
to understand? will I ever know more than I do at this
moment?

May I now wish that my mind was a marshmellow?? I also wish
I had none of this to think about, I wish I could just look
into a magic card or crystal ball and find out what I am
supossed to do.

Life would be so much easier if I were a love song, don't
they seem easy? don't they seem so perfect? everything turns
out the way it is supossed to..

You can take my breath away....

Brett certainly does..

the question remains??? do I wish for James to take it away
too???


Ad:0