Reality Check
2001-11-02 00:48:54 (UTC)


Alright, as i was saying before......
so jimmy was being all sweet and everything and i'm sittin
there thinking, okay, i made up my mind...i'm going to tell
fred that i can't be with him and i'm going to go back with
jimmy. so i traded seats with jimmy to talk to fred, and
fred held my hand and everything, and basically to sum up
all of his words, he said he'd never told a girl he loved
her, at least not without knowing her really well and for a
very long time, but he felt in his heart that he did and he
just wants to tell me so bad. he said that no matter who i
chose, he would still love me as a friend and everything,
but he could never see me and not want to hold me and kiss
me.....blah blah blah. u get the jist. then we just stayed
there, and i gave him a foot masache and he like went to
sleep, and it was very intense and everything. so then i was
like, okay, i'm going to tell jimmy that i'm going to go
with fred. but then when me and jimmy were talking, i wanted
to be with him. so i was all fucked up.
now, i'm dating fred. but, i'm still not sure which one i
actually want to be with. me and jimmy are close friends. he
said it's going to take him a while to actually get used to
the fact that he can't have me right now, but he said he'd
never stop loving me and he'd always be there for me, even
if it's only as a friend. i love him so much, but when i'm
with fred, it's like....i don't know. i can't explain it.
i'm just all confused. i see the way jimmy looks when me and
fred kiss or hold hands or whatever, and it kills my heart
every time i see that pain in his eyes. i don't know. i
think i must be a natural blonde underneath or something,
cause i am confused as hell.
Anyways, i g2g to sleep. lately i have been falling asleep
around like 8, 8:30, and usually i can't even shut my eyes
till around 11, 12. i don't know what's wrong with me. but
oh well. i'll write more later.